Friday, April 5, 2013

The Myth of Morning People

Morning people are mythical creatures, likened to gnomes and pixies. They don't really exist (sorry pixie lovers). I know there are some people who think they are "Morning People," but they are just suffering delusions in an effort to fit into a magical role praised by our work-driven society. It's against the laws of human nature to actually want to get out of bed in the morning.
The alarm clock is a natural antagonist to man. Snakes and bears are no enemy in comparison. One well-aimed gunshot strategically-placed humanitarian trap, and those predators lose their power. Alarm clocks though? I have to hack away at thing every ten minutes... up to three seven times... every. single. morning. And on those very rare mornings that I do not have to await the alarm clock's menacing cry, an agent of the little brainwashed militants of the Morning People Army (also known as a toddler), still manages to wake me up before the laws of gravity have engaged for the day, allowing me to lift my head off the pillow.
That being said, I must admit that I do love on those rare mornings I do get up and do get productive to look at the clock, usually around 11 in the morning, and think "Wow, is it only 11?" because I am surprised that I have already gotten so much done for the day. Admittedly those days are not too often.

Since the idea of creating a To-Do List for Spring Break was too stressfully cumbersome, I decided to just dedicate each day to a different area of concentration. Monday- Relay (check), Tuesday- Housework (okayyy), Wednesday- Schoolwork (ummm, no), Thursday- Out of town fun & errands (catching up on that schoolwork), Friday- Paperwork (catching up on those errands, no time for fun).

So yeah, that plan lasted until about mid-day on Wednesday when I just could not convince myself to roll up my sleeves and pull out the red pen for schoolwork. Instead, I spent a greater part of the day with Nicole & Jenny. Perhaps you know them?

They are better known in some circles as Snooki and Jwoww. I decided to watch a couple of episodes that have been sitting in the DVR cue for a while, but those dang MTV producers kept hooking me in and I wanted to see what was going to happen next (Roger proposed!). So, I mayyy have watched five episodes, then... I took a nap. A nap!

I don't think I have successfully taken a nap since I was pregnant with Benjamin. I have tried, but either something at home needs my attention or I spend too much time lying there thinking about all that I need to do and should be doing instead of laying around trying to take a nap. This nap was delicious though. I think as close as the human soul can come to Nirvana on Earth are those ten minutes of snuggling back down into the bed after the snooze button (which loses its effect after the third... or seventh, time). Well, this nap was like 60 minutes of that Nirvana.

Unfortunately, that nap was as close as I am going to come to a vacation during this break. So, thankfully... it was a really awesome nap. Thus, I will close with the poem given to my students as an example of hyperbole:

I Swear I Only Napped a Minute

Eyes fluttered shut

Drool formed a pool

The nap was only to last a minute

The sun set

Winters came and went

The nap was only to last a minute

Wrinkles formed

Young men grew white beards

The nap may have lasted more than a minute

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