Stop and Smell the Dumpsters

This semester I have first block planning. It is my preferred planning period... if my preferences were of concern about such a manner. This morning I wanted coffee. It was last year, I believe, that our school board gifted us with Keurigs for the staff. Then, this year, a local coffee maker - Green Mountain - also began donating the K-cups. It means a much less diverse choice... Breakfast Blend... whether breakfast or not... but it is a donation and with the strangled educational system finances being what they are (pandemic-wise), it's a pretty nice gift. (Although the teacher with the mug of coffee is just a wee bit of a stereo-type, don't ya think?)

Anyway, I headed to the office Keurig, which was turned off... and being too lazy to figure out how to turn it on... I headed to the larger Keurig in the Teacher Lunch Room. To get there I passed through a corridor that had the cafeteria on one side and the janitor's offices on other (maybe a little too close now that I think about it). The bay doors, which lead to the dumpsters but we are going to forget that detail for the purpose of this story, were open and I felt... Spring. The weather was beautiful. There was a breeze - not warm but not cool. It even smelled like a nice day (thus the reason for overlooking the dumpsters in the story).

Anyway... (again!), it stopped me in my tracks. I wanted to be outside. This is a rarity for me, R-A-R-I-T-Y. We bought a house with no backyard because I had to confess I would never go out there anyway. As I stalled for a few minutes on my journey, I began to reflect on the fact today is Wednesday. Three days into the week, and it has been nice all week... or so it seems because my life has been too much school-work-school-work-school-work for me to even notice, let less "enjoy" it. On Sunday is when the weather turned nice (in typical Virginia fashion after weeks of cancelled school for snow). I kept the window open all day... as I was chained to my desk working on grading and lesson plans... all, day, long.

At some point I promised myself this would be the year I figured out how to say no, how to step away. I haven't quite truly figured out how to do that though... obviously. I am having a #mchenrychaos week right now with starting off the school Relay season, getting ready for Key Club Convention next week, and coordinating "Kick the R" activities all this week. Oh, and then there's the job I actually get paid for... teaching.

I don't make flippant jokes about having OCD because I know it is a true psychological stress... and not honestly my issue. I have always said I was a "failed perfectionist," which seems pretty accurate, much MUCH more now than even back in the "unbusy" years when I said it. Recently, I have started defining it (to myself) as a "hyper focus." It is difficult, downright impossible, for me to rush through a task, or to do "just enough" - either I lock in my focus into the extreme detail of a task or I disregard it completely. This is the reason it can take me 4 or 6 hours to do a lesson plan, or why I can spend the entire afternoon at a desk bleeding red ink on Sophomore English assignments, while I bubble in resentment at Facebook "friends" posting pictures of enjoying the weather... with their children.

These concerns, this dialogue, are often the whispers in the back of my mind but it seemed like one thing after another kept happening today to make me question being one of the last persons to leave school and still bringing home work. Question my school bag growing bigger and bigger until it is replaced with a little red wagon for weekend loads sometime. Ultimately, I guess it's a time management issue. I need to try harder to look more inwardly and determine why I make my j-o-b my top priority. I put it before family, and everything else- certainly before myself. Hell, I don't even know what that cliché means. I need to find balance... and that is trite... and I hate living a cliché, but I don't know how else to look at the whole situation right now. I need to take all that are my professional responsibilities, those I'm tasked with and those I volunteer for, and throw them back on that giant scale measuring satisfaction versus stress, and find a way to work a little more balance between the two. I can tell you a good place, the obvious place, to start - figuring out how to leave more work... at work. Not doing less, because I do not devalue the opportunities that I have as a teacher, but figuring out how to get more done when I am supposed to be working and how bring less of that into the time when I'm not "supposed" to be working.

It's not the first time I have thought about this in the past eleven years of teaching, obviously. I know that I am far, far from unique in feeling this conflict. It's just something that has been pulling at the strings of my soul lately, especially today.

Thankful.

November is winding to an end and I find the urge to "create" to be overwhelming yet once again. Once again too though, about as creative as I am finding myself with the time to be is to Pin tons of ideas I will never get to, if I even remember. At the very least, I would like to write again. And it's okay if it is just for me- my enjoyment, my therapy, my sanity.

This has been a crazy-busy school year. when I make comments like that, people often respond "When aren't you busy" and they are right. There was a time when I prided myself on that chaos of busyness but not so much any more. I really wanted this to be the year I slowed down, stepped back. In small ways I guess I have. My responsibilities with the local Relay are much, much less. Rather than being a chair of the whole event as I have done for the past three years, I am this year just in charge of entertainment and activities. I found myself at peace with real fast but am still feeling out my boundaries as to where my input is needed or welcomed. Relay for Life is a microcosm of small town politics in these parts.

Jason has a heavy course load of college classes this semester as he works toward student teaching next. I promised to really step up the domestic goddess game so he could turn his full attention to schoolwork and not meals or household matters. I can definitely confess to not holding up my end of the bargain on that deal. Man, I wish I was just one of those people who liked to cook... but I. am. not.

Only teaching 10th grade English, although two levels, seemed that it would make for an "easier" year, at least as far as planning and prepping goes, but the classes, as they often are, are so uniquely different- each presenting their own set of stresses challenges- that I end the day just mentally exhausted and feel like I am always playing ketchup.

Benjamin is at the age that he is really making me feel the busyness that consumes my life. I just can't hold him enough. I cannot believe how fast four years flew by and I know with the blink of an eye that it took Cameron to become a young man, the next decade in Benjamin's life will fly by just as fast, especially if I continue to feel like my "pockets of time" for him just aren't enough. Maybe I am making myself sound like a bad mother. Maybe I am. I am sure though that many moms feel this way. We all work. We all have stuff. I just want less stuff and don't know how to make that happen just yet.

Key Club is... Key Club, the great consumption of my life. Last week was our "Key Club Week" so I am really feeling the timesuck it can be, for better or for worse. Kiwanis Family Month is November and Key Club, their high school branch, celebrates a Key Club Week internationally usually the first week in November. And, as usual, I ignored that one and crafted out own Key Club week the week before Thanksgiving Break. On Monday, we inducted 35 new members during a formal evening ceremony. We graduated out some great kids last year but thankfully I feel like we brought in some young dedicated, energetic ones that will respect and carry on the legacy of those before them. On Tuesday, the kids counted UNICEF collections afterschool and tallied about $1,200 in donations for The Eliminate Project, a Kiwanis initiative to end Maternal-Neonatal Tetanus worldwide. On Wednesday we had our traditional breakfast at a restaurant out in the community- little business, lots of fun. That afternoon the 350 boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts sold were distributed, most in a 10 minute window of pure chaos before bus dismissal. Thursday was the night for our monthly Bingo at a local nursing home. And Friday, ohhh Friday- we hosted the Red Cross Blood Drive at the high school. Despite collecting 78 pints, it was a dramatic day with more students getting sick, hurt, and passing out than normal- including Cameron. Within a couple of hours of that event ending, the Key Clubbers and I were serving Thanksgiving Dinner and dancing the night away with our "friends" at Zuni Homes, a residential facility for intellectually-disabled adults. Since everything couldn't quite be squeezed in last week, volunteers also gathered up all the donated cans and boxes brought in during the Food Drive Key Club hosted last week. There were over 650 items, with at least a third to half being from the top two classes loaded with competitive club members. I even managed somewhere amidst that chaos to get all members "officially" registered with the international office and send dues in. AND (!!!) the pre-holiday mini-week ended with a letter from Key Club International announcing that our club has been awarded a $1468 grant for our "Kick the R Word" proposal (another full week of activities, but thankfully not until March).

SO...

I can't say I don't know what is keeping me busy because obviously I do... and even though that was a rarely beyond-the-norm-McHenry-chaos week... I need to strive towards some sort of balance - not ending my nights just falling into bed because I am to physically exhausted, or mentally drained, to do one. more. thing.

I cannot purge this ball of tightly wound stress though without coupling it with just how thankful I am to have this opportunity to work with the kids. I can tangibly feel the influence I have in their lives. I know that in 10, 20, 30 years they are going to look back on high school and most of their memories are going to be related to Key Club. I look at weeks like last week, and the cumulative goodness that came from it and am just amazed by it. By how such a "little" group can do so "much." Jason and I have started the conversation for maybe not living here forever more... maybe in a few, several, some, years moving to another area. There are many things about my job I love. I dread waking up in the morning but (once functional) I never dread going to work. Of all the perks, benefits, positives of school, my career, my life though, the one that makes it hardest to entertain any self other than the one I am now is walking away from this legacy I fostered into being. They renew my faith that there is good in the world every. single. day.

So yeah, I know, this post has meandered over all over its little space on the web, but like I said- I'm writing for me tonight, and these are the things that are on my mind. About this time last year I had my fill of people posting on Facebook what they were thankful for every.single.day. Regardless, I decided to do my own little practice of gratitude right here and reflect on what 30 things I was thankful for... and while I am still thrilled when my Diet Coke is carbonated just right or when I find myself delved into a good book, I am feeling gratitude mostly this Thanksgiving night for this group of kids that call me their mentor (actually more often "guru"- at my insistence), a gratitude so overwhelming that it leaves my teary-eyed and speechless to contemplate.

YET...

I have to, have-have-have to, find a way to channel that good and not let the rest of my life succumb to chaos in trade for it, or for the job I love.

Summer Storms and Naps

First day of Summer School. My class is small and the morning passed quickly. Thankfully, I made an organized notebook with day-by-day lesson plans, activities, and keys last year, so prep for the next day's class will be pretty smooth for most of Summer School this year. I will have to switch around and make some new plans for "Second Quarter" since the class changed format from last year, but there is time ahead to do that.

Out the door by 1:00 p.m. (Yay me! ). Lunch at Maryz. There's a comfort to small town dining where the manager comments that you are there "earlier than usual." Jason had a productive day- maintenance on both vehicles and Extreme Kitchen Make-Over.

Me? Not so much. Benjamin goes to Pre-School two days a week over Summer, so I was determined to take a nap this afternoon in the quiet house.

But, Jason was going to call if he couldn't get the vehicles done in time to pick up Benjamin from school.
So, I checked to make sure the ringer on my cell was turned on.

And checked again.

And checked again.

And then worried it might die, so I went to get the plug to keep it charging.

Then, I thought Jason might not realize the time and let me know to go pick up Benjamin, so I set the phone alarm.

Then checked to make sure the volume was on.

And again.

Then... there was a fly.

So, I turned on the ceiling fan.

But, I could still hear the fly.

And, let's not forget the parade of things I should be doing marching across my mind the entire time I laid down.

Yeah, in general, I am not a very successful napper... or rapper (just throwing that in there since it rhymed, and junk).

Big thunderstorms tonight. I am becoming someone who likes the peacefulness of rain and stillness of storms. The evening, after I gave up on the whole napping non-phenomenon, was spent being entertained by a 4-year old with an orange snake mustache.  We told Benjamin last night that "tomorrow you go to daycare." His emphatic response was, "Daycare is Jail!" We were quite taken aback by this and I asked him who had said that, thinking it was a comment from one of the pre-school workers. Then, he replied The Policeman told him and went into one of ramblings about policemen locking up people in jail. He is rather enthralled with police right now. So, it was another serendipitous moment when he just didn't realize how funny his response was.

Meanwhile this week, Cameron is five hours away at Radford University for Boy's State. I'm not sure what his expectations were going into it. The lectures and politics are a definite change from the synergy that is a Key Club event. He described it to a friend as "rigorous but fun." Mainly, I'm just proud that he is viewed as a leader among his peers, someone deemed a good choice to be among those representing our school with this opportunity. I worry to often that he's just seen as "McHenry's kid" and not as a young man that chooses to give of himself  to his school and community. I am particularly worried about this come scholarship time next year.

Summer Suspended

To return in approximately one month.

(I knowww I proclaim to be all "Don't wish your life away," but please let this month zoom by!)

My self-doctoring plan worked. I stayed in bed (for the most part) and ate little (for the most part) for 36-hours, and I am doing better today. I am not at 100% "healed," but I haven't been 100% gastro-healthy since my pre-teen days.

Over the weekend, I saw that some teacher friends were already making new Pinterest Board for "Back to School" nights and teaching next year and I scoffed, "Nerds!" Of course, before the dawn had fully set on the current teaching year, I too fell into the black hole of Pinterest and spent the greater part of my bed-ridden hours pinning ideas for school. I had planned to just clean-up and organize my  boards (That counts as being productive, right?), but then I got side-tracked by ideas for decorating...

 

I have a row of three filing cabinets that sit right behind my desk. They are the direct-visual upon entering the room. I would love to snazz them up like this, but looking at how the handle is on them today, I just don't know if it could work neatly.

I also looked at several ideas, even followed the links to read the blog posts (That's serious pinning there!) on ideas about taming paperwork. Paperwork in my albatross. To be an English teacher, the one that "makes kids write," I am quite ironically H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E about paper work, even attendance. And these days in teaching, there is a whole lot more paperwork on this side of this desk than that which goes across to the student desks.

Although it would be ADDING to the paperwork, not taming it, I am going to reflect the next few months over something like this- a "No Homework Form." I would mean changing my policy from No Late Work to Late Work for half-credit, but it's something worth considering. Of course, cheating on homework versus not doing it was the greater problem this past year. So, this would be like building an aquarium to house the chickens (yeah... no idea where that metaphor came from.)

 

I also added a board for classroom memes, cartoons, and videos. (This meme is sooo me, as my students would tell you!) I am deluded into thinking this will make me the "Cool Teacher" (not really), but it's a good façade for using technology in the classroom, right? (Ok, not really to that either.) 

I also found lots of general teaching material on units in literature, grammar, writing, vocabulary, and made a few other specific boards related to topics in my class. Now, time will tell if it becomes the Pinterest Dust Bowl, to be found during a pinning frenzy marathon... never to be looked at again (again) (again)....

Back on track.

So... went to Fred's for breakfast with the fam and then back up to high school to finish cleaning and packing my room. Summer School registration ended today at 3 so I was spacing out my tasks to stretch until then and figure out if/what class I had to get prepared for tomorrow's first day (short, sad, fleeting nonexistent break it has been).

Well, pretty sure I know what it feels like to be evicted now. Our custodians were all business. I could not get a desk cleared without them clearing it out of the room. I seriously thought I was going to be wheeled out on a dolly at one point (or three). Usually, I remove nearly all wall hangings too but since Cameron wasn't available to monkey around on desks to reach them, I have left them be for this summer.

I did not get exactly the Summer School class I wanted, which would have made for much longer, and much more stressful days... but more bank. The class I do have lets out at 12:30 though, which means I really need to not succumb to the "Summer Suspended" attitude I have already proclaimed and still make something out of the days ahead!


On a completely, unrelated note, once I finally laid Pinterest to rest last night, I was checking out the snark on GOMI ("Get Off My Internets") and adding all of their targets to my blog roll, which is totally counter to their purpose and I came across "Hey Natalie Jean."

I am utterly head over heels in love with this chick and her blog. I want to be her sister, her neighbor, her friend... her. This is the kind of newfound obsession that breeds stalkers. She says that her blog is
"a love letter from me to my family and from my family to New York City." (My alter-ego lives in a very small apartment in a very tall building in NYC. And she is very important in the best-selling fiction world of publishing... Reminding myself of why I do not allow students to use the word "very.") Anyway, I can overlook her refusal to use the shift key (annoying) (very annoying) because she is just the bohemian open-minded, free-spirited, adventurous embodiment of New York that I adore.

I stayed up until 2 a.m. last night reading through her old posts (stalker status, indeed)... and would do the very same again tonight if it were not for that blasted Summer School alarm going off in the morning.

Status?

My soul is a bit heavy with disappointment as I look back at how little I have written this school year, this new year. It's one of the many things that I didn't take the time out of the busy-ness that is life to do. A regret. The school year started rolling and the To-Do's started snowballing, and then most anything that wasn't the "Next Immediate Thing Needing My Attention" fell to the wayside. Writing was certainly on that list. I am not going to be a martyr and proclaim that I gave so much of by time-blood-sweat-tears-soul to community service that I did not have one.breathing.moment for myself. That would be a lie. I read plenty (some good books that I also regret not blogging about). I watched plenty of my Reality Junk TV ("Total Divas" - a new fave). But when it came to anything that required creative energy, such as writing- or crafting- it just didn't happen.

I'm not being very "creative" today either, I am afraid. "Status" is a word embedded in our family culture. I am sure its origin roots to Jason's military background. But a text simply stating "Status?" (although irritating it may be at times) can translate to a great many questions and requests for information depending on the current time and activity, such as "Where are you?" "What are we doing next?" "How long until you are home?" or even, "Are you picking up Benjamin or do I need to grab him?"

Status too is, of course, a socially trending term due to the constant cries for its updates every time we log onto FaceBook (and some people on my newsfeed take that way too literally- updating their every.single,status, that is). So, as a fast-forward overview of the past few months, I have cheated creativity by culminating some Facebook pics and statuses that summarize the time sucks that have been my life.

Family can be a generalized term in today's society. I have my "school family" and "Relay family" and "Key Club family." There are those I have walked away from, both created family units over time and those that were genetic/biological. I only point this out to say that I purposely did not include the updates that related to the boys, because I wanted to save family reflections for another day... although these pics and blurbs do represent the many definitions of "family" in my life.


UPDATE STATUS:
Ah-mazing Kickoff for the 2014 Keys 4a Cure Relay for Life team. Laughs, tears, cupcakes, dance mobs. I am so very thankful to be at a place in life that I am inspired every single day.

Baltimore has been good to us! We swept the awards & are ready to head home. Thank you to all my Key Club alumni that helped build this legacy, Thank you to my Key Club parents that share your children's lives with me, and Thank You to Mr. McHenry who made endless round trips to craft stores & Wal-Mart & the school, and who opened our home to our second family week after week and night after night to make all this possible!

My favorite! Key Club teaches Leaders to fly, metaphorically... and literally!

 

Sometimes a Picture is worth... 10,000 words

 

This is what a Cure looks like! Getting the youth involved in Relay will evolve into a legacy of Cancer Fighting Super Heroes that will Finish the Fight!!! Queso, Chips & Relay Planning on the menu today!

 

Just starting to sort through Relay pics and this is my favorite right now by far... This encapsulates everything that is SoCo Relay "After Midnight!"

 

You just won Super Bowl, now what are you going to do? Go to Disney World!... You just finished Relaying, now what are you going to do? Grade Greek Mythology research papers!

 

Thankful for my well-stocked Key Club schwag closet that I could pull a coffee cup from. Thankful for school board gifted Keurigs right about now. Going to be a late school night ahead to make up for all the late Relay nights behind me.

Opened my laptop tonight and found a pile of letters from my Key Club Seniors (+1). Grrrr, dang these kids making me get all crybaby-faced before graduation!

 

Just a few snapshots. Memories. This doesn't, of course, begin to event step into the shadow of all that my kids are or all that they do to keep me busy. Since though, I believe it is inappropriate to friend students and am highly reserved in posting their pics on my Facebook page, here are just a few snapshots- that don't at all allude to depth of memories this year has been. 

 

Unfortunately my latest Update, sans photo (because a selfie just wasn't happening) was:

Is there such a thing as a Summer Flu? I feel horribly sick.

Friday was the last "official" work day of the school year. If all our work was done on Friday, in lieu of coming in Saturday for graduation, we did not have to return for Monday, what the calendar denoted as the "last work day." It is not unusual for me to fall behind on the day-to-day's, but between having lots of miniscule financial details to figure out for Relay (my team of 50 kids really "nickels and dimes" their way to $10k in 4 months) and feeling ill, I got nothing done... and SO much ahead of me tomorrow. I went to bed as soon as I got home early Friday afternoon and carved myself out of the sheets Saturday morning for graduation. I am so thankful to have another teacher offer to cover my "door station" for graduation morning and I slept in the Nurse's Office right up until it was time to march in. In retrospect, I should have just called out. I missed a graduation party that was important to me and thought I would be on the mend today, two days later... instead, I just have a slew of new symptoms that have me wishing I was just feeling flu-like and sleeping the day away again instead.

This is a rather ominous start to summer. A Summer "In Limbo" as usual this time of year, as I wait to learn if there are enough students enrolled in my summer school class to delay the break from school for another month.

Thankful.

I'd like to think I am a grateful person.

I have saved every note or card given to me by a student (even the one by a German exchange student that said after taking my journalism class, she knew she didn't want to be a newspaper reporter anymore).

The greatest moment of kindness in my life was eleven years ago. I was at CNU, about an hour from home, and as I was walking to the car at the end of the day, I was struck with such a wave of sickness that I had to lay down and rest before I could even begin to drive home. Then, I had to take several more rests from driving to nap before I could make it home. I went to the doctor the next day and he said I had the flu and pneumonia. I had/have never been so sick in my life. I had to drive myself to the hospital for a chest x-ray. I remember sitting in the car in the parking lot, just about to get out of the car, and I sneezed. It made my head swim with such dizziness that it took several minutes to recover. Eventually I made it through the bureaucratic process of hospital administrations and onto the x-ray table. The tech that was taking the pictures brought a cold washcloth and laid it across my forehead. Have you seen one of those movie moments when angels descend to earth, all aglow, and lay their hands on a mortal. Yeah, it was like that- an ethereal experience. It is bringing tears to my eyes right now to write about it... and making me realize just a little how sad it may be that one act of kindness eleven years ago meant so much.

I believe in Random Acts of Kindness. On the day last week that I received flowers for Teacher of the Month (yay me! I really avoiding giving myself the kudos on that, as pointed out by a reader... so kudos to me!), I also left a Seed of Happiness  in a co-worker's mailbox.

 

Check out the website if you want to more about them; it's a great story. Basically, it's a random token gift to bring a smile to someone's face. I saw a display of them last year and bought a bunch at Hallmark. I received far greater satisfaction from the co-worker's anonymously thankful comment on Facebook than the flowers sitting in my room for a week. Though it was nice to get flowers...

Perhaps though, I don't recognize the every day, every moment reasons to be grateful.
Thankful.
Happy.

I dread November on Facebook. Worse than all the Pinkness of October... and cryptic messages about where we hang our purse... to promote Breast Cancer Awareness, are those dreadful "Thankful" lists that emerge in November. Every day for the month of November people post about what they are thankful for, from loved ones to coffee & chocolate, soft beds & warm blankets, to the simple act of waking up to live a new day. Well, I find the whole practice to be irritating and self-serving. If you lived a life of gratitude, do you need to proclaim it on Facebook for all to see what a loving and appreciative person you are? Does that give you the ticket to not feel thankful for those same things the other eleven months of the year? Do the very people that receive your accolades of gratitude on a social forum of an anonymous million, feel that from you every day?

I have always thought it would be much easier to make a month-long list of things that irked me for 30 days. I think it would be much more entertaining to read too. That would not be very holiday-oriented of me though, would it? Heh...

So, I decided at some point earlier this month, that I would challenge myself on Thanksgiving Day in this much smaller forum in a more condensed fashion to determine the 30 things in my life that I am most thankful for.

1. I am thankful for Second Chances, that we live in a society that allowed me to pick up and move into a new life- new husband, new home, new town, new career. The "me" I am today is a very different person than the "me" I was in my 20s.

2. I am thankful for Military Insurance. There are many benefits to Jason's military career but with his health issues over the past several months, I have felt the tangible benefit of health insurance- free and for a lifetime.

3. I am thankful for my Resolve, that I didn't live to repeat the cycle of dysfunction and abuse that defined my childhood; that even though it took too long into my adult years, I gave myself permission to divorce my family roots.

4. I am thankful for a Husband who likes to cook and lets others know how proud he is to have me for a wife. I wasted too many years of my life with someone embarrassed by me and not realizing I was too worthwhile to endure that. As far as cooking, I don't know how it evolved to this point- but the more I hated cooking, the more he enjoyed it, and the balance is working out well for our family right now.

5. I am thankful for my life as a Teacher. It was my dream deferred, one that I never thought the chances in life were going to line up and support, but eventually they did. And it was the right time for it, after over 35 jobs during my 20s, it is near impossible to believe I am in my 10th year of teaching... in the same school even.

6. I am thankful for my School Administration. I have certainly had my stressful years and my low years when I was unsure of what the next one would hold for me, by my choice or not. However, I have grown to a place with those people I work for that makes me feel like a valued and integral part of the school system. I feel a tangible support in everything that I do, every day.

7. I am thankful for Co-Workers who feel teaching is their privilege and not burden. Namely, I am thankful for Angela, our new English teacher, who I would like to call my first Mentee, but who has taught me just as much as I could ever teach her. It has been a long time since I have worked closely with who someone shared my student-centered views on  teaching. She enriches our Department and improves the entire school. I am thankful for the other teachers too that take engaging approaches to teaching, that have stories about their students to tell me because they simply love their job... or just don't ask me "How long until Friday?" every. time. I. pass. them. in. the. hall.

8. I am thankful for my Students. I truly believe that every single one of students has something to teach me. In some cases, their lesson may be more important than what they learn from the 90 days of mine. Unfortunately though too, I know many of those chances to learn from my students are lost to class sizes and curriculums. I am extremely thankful for the students that I am able to teach for two years and really see their growth in writing skills and just how they view the world. It validates my efforts. Those are the very same students that often influence how I see the world too.

9. I am thankful for the Key Club. There is a line in a praise song, "This is the air I breathe." When I think of my Key Clubbers, that is how I feel. Few people in this life are given the chance to learn their purpose, to see their legacy. I am one of the lucky ones. Most days I think I will retire from teaching high school. Some days I think I will move back to publishing or forward to teaching at the college level. Whichever path my life winds through, I am certain that I will forever seek opportunities to work with youth in volunteer service.

10. I am thankful for Former Students. Honestly, #9 can be broken down to a list of 30+ gratitudes all on its own. For now, I will only break away this one. I am thankful for Amanda, Leannah, Jordan, Jessica, Grace, Ashley, Christian, Kristen, and several others who let me know how important Key Club was to them, who let me think I had just a little influence on the amazing young men and women they have become, who remind me that it is worth the time, the frustrations, the effort.

11. I am thankful for books. A good book is one that you are as equally anxious to see as it ends as you are regretful that the end has come. I am thankful for those.

12. I am thankful to be a Home Owner. Childhood nights spent in the spare rooms of relatives and friends. Early adult years spent in a homeless shelter, a motel, an attic of a church member, in a roach-infested duplex. I am thankful not just to be in "a home." I have been in "a home" most nights of my life, but that this being the first home that had my name on the deed is big and beautiful and newly refurbished... and unique and quirky.

13. I am thankful for my car. (I know this is starting to sound superficial.) Most cars in my life were chosen for me. I had to find a dealership that would work with me and then pick among the ones I could afford on their lot. When it came time to buy my most recent car, which was actually nine years ago, I knew the specific car I wanted and went shopping for it. Now it has over 120,000 miles on it and has not cost me any money in unplanned maintenance. It did not even need new brakes until this year. The current plan is to give it to Cameron for college and I will buy a new one, but the truth is I'm a little hesitant to let it go.

14. I am thankful for life's unexpected surprise that is Benjamin. I always thought I wanted a third child, but Jason did not. I thought we needed "our" own child to truly define a marriage. Then there was this very distinct moment probably about five years into our marriage when I passed my reflection in the mirror one day and told it that we were done with babies. Life was entering a new phase when the boys were old enough to be home alone for an undetermined amount of time and it was a pretty great phase to be in... now, like when unexpected things often happen, I cannot imagine a life any different than the one that delivered me a newborn at 39.

15. I am thankful for my Health. There is no one that is going to look at me and think "healthy." Obviously I have issues to address. However, in the grand scheme of living life, mine has been pretty healthy. My only surgery has been a cyst drainage. I have never broke anything, had any major or long-term disease. My biggest battle is eye allergies. I have encountered so many people, so recently in life- those younger, those healthier- dealing with so. much. more.

16. I am thankful for Technology. Being part of the 80s generation saddled between staying up for all night talks stretched to the couch with the long winded cord from the wall phone to brief text conversations with a phone shoved in my pocket, I have first-hand experienced the shifts in society from ovens to microwaves, from TV Guides to DVRs. I know the benefits and conveniences of technology, and I am thankful.

17. I am thankful Justin asked to come for Thanksgiving. No, he doesn't have to "ask" to come home but I am glad that he sought out the opportunity to come home for a week. I won't use the trite phrase "Tough Love," but when unexpected turns took his life off-course, he fell into a holding phase that he had to just be kicked out of. And, he's still figuring it out, but things are looking much better.

18. I am thankful for Cameron's sense of inclusiveness. I would worry at times that Cameron didn't have friends. He could be an awkward child. I learned my lesson with Justin and just stayed out of his social life and let him make his own decisions, his own mistakes. Now that he is in high school I see that it is not friends he is lacking, but a clique... and that is not a bad thing. He considers everyone a friend, and treats everyone as a friend... even when that can be a very irritating thing.

19. I am thankful for Night Skies and Roaring Oceans and other majesties of nature that remind me how insignificant we are and how temporal life is. I could never live too far from the ocean, even though I rarely visit it, I just need to know that I can. And some of my favorite memories with the boys are laying outside during the early morning hours to watch meteor showers.

20. I am thankful for Dishwashers, Washers and Dryers. This is our first home with a dishwasher. Oy vey! Welcome to the 20th century! I spent childhood hanging out laundry to dry (into stiff sheets of fabric during cold weather) and had far too many visits to the Laundromat in my early adult years.

21. I am thankful for uncontrollable outbursts of Laughter. Let's face it, I'm a bit of a cynic. So when something takes me by surprise that I can't help but laugh about, it's a good thing.

22. I am thankful for Relay for Life. Cancer is a beast. Its scars are visible on its victims and the families of those victims. No one is outside of its grasp. It paints a scary world to live in, but through Relay I am able to help empower hundreds of people in our community, many within our own school, to thinking they can do something. From scooping spaghetti, to washing cars, to doing the Wobble on a Relay field at midnight, they can raise the money to provide the services and research to conquer this beast. It is all we can do... but it is a lot.

23. I am thankful for my freedom. I know that sounds trite, but I mean it with sincerity. I spent half of Jason's military career with him. Our family knows first-hand the costs of freedom paid by our military men and women, and their families. I am thankful for every single one of them. There is no single more tangible feeling of freedom than a military Homecoming following deployment. I am thankful for every one I was able to experience and only wish we could have did it together for the full twenty years.

24. I am thankful for People who are Good at their Jobs. Sofrina, my favorite barista at Starbucks. Amy, our favorite waitress at Applebee's. Tommy, who manages our car repair shop. Jason and I often have a conversation about the myth we feed children that the goal of every one of them should be to go to college and get a white-collared job. We, as a society, devalue so many jobs, yet we could not function as a society without the people to do them. I make a conscious effort to show my appreciation to anyone that has an optimistic and responsible work ethic, from our custodians at work to the girls at the drive-thru window.

25. I am thankful for Reality Television. (Ha! I know some folks expected to see that one!) It is my drug of choice. It is my guilty pleasure. Project Runway, Real Housewives of New York City, Dance Moms, Extreme Cheapskates, Million Dollar Shoppers, America's Next Top Model, Snooki & JWow, the list goes on- anything that doesn't involve alligators or long beards.

26. I am thankful for Office Supplies. Seriously. The way some women have that stereotypical genetic predisposition to shoe addictions (missing that!), I'm like that with office supplies. If I were to win a limitless gift card to any store of my choice, it would be a hard toss-up between Barnes & Noble and Office Max... although, Barnes & Noble would win because they do carry a limited amount of office supplies. Pens for color-coded agendas, journals with inspirational or quirky covers, funny folders, most of which I will never use but fill my closets and filing cabinets, I. must. have.

27. I am thankful for the perfectly carbonated Diet Coke. Again, yes, seriously. A poorly carbonated fountain Diet Coke can ruin my day just as quickly as one well-balanced in carbonation can make my day a little better.

28. I am thankful for Days when I have Absolutely Nothing To Do after coming home from school. These days are rare and treasured. No pressing household needs. No school work or Key Club or Relay to-do's. Just my bed, lap-top (not for work), television, and Benjamin snuggles.

29. I am thankful for the Gift of Animals. I wish I could be a pescatarian, but am not. I don't feel guilty for eating seafood but am riddled with guilt when I think about the meat I do eat. I love all animals. All except the occasional insect. I am filled with joy to come home and see a wild rabbit in the yard, and will just sit in the car and watch it for a while. Wow, that sounds corny, but it is true. Zoos make me sad, and hunting season even more sad.

30. I am thankful for Moments of Calm. My life is bordered by stress. I have an ongoing internal dialogue filling my mind with chatter. Prattle. I mute the television during commercials and rarely listen to music because the influx of information, in addition to my internal dialogue planning the next event, the next day, the next few minutes is just too much to work with. So, those rare moments when life is just calm, my mind is just calm, I am thankful.



Ok, confession... this list wasn't so easy. I found myself walking away from it a few times and having to come back. I don't think it's because I'm not a grateful person (the lady doth protest too much?) but that doing it in this format was hard because it called for much bigger umbrella examples (not that I am claiming in any manner these are all gratitudes of great or equal worth) rather than a lot of the small or immediate things that you think to note when doing it daily.

That, of course, causes me to begrudgingly admit that those expressing their gratitudes daily have a purpose... however, I still don't think it needs to be publicly broadcasted, on a schedule, highlighted during one month of the year.

Glass Half...?

There have been a couple of times this week when I have wanted to blog that "It is a good week." Then, just a few moments before I take the time to write... something blows that mindset to smithereens.

My English classes are enduring enjoying their poetry units this month. Each year, the ninth graders read the poem "Making a Fist," which creates an extended metaphor between a car journey and the ultimate journey... life. One of the questions accompanying the poem asks if it ends with an optimistic or pessimistic tone. And, each year I have to explain what pessimistic means. Unfortunately I am all too familiar with this term and at ease in explaining what it means.

 

The great metaphor, the not-so-great cliché, we all are familiar with is... that glass of water. Is it half-full? Is it half-empty?

If you're thirsty, does it really matter?

 

I wish my glass was more "full." I wish I didn't allow negativity to be so draining. I have said about my own kids before, or to parents about their kid, that "he adapts to his environment"- meaning around good influences, he behaves. Around negative influences, not so much so. I can't say that I am so much different.

 

I try to be conscientious about removing myself from environments charged with negativity. Sometimes... that is not an option. And often, I can deflect the negativity around me - not even just ignore the negative talk, but combat it with excessive cheerfulness so well portrayed that the dripping sarcasm is not obvious.

 

Externally though, I often find myself falling into the pits of negativity. Making comments I wish I could retract. Taking part in conversations that I wish I had walked away from... or not started. However, even though that is the case, it is still far more easier to avoid the external negativity than the internal negativity forever churning within.

 

I wish I could see the positive in a difficult situation, the humor in a frustrating one. Although I can be an objective and sympathetic person and put myself in the place of others to understand their viewpoint (although many would tend to disagree)... when I am looking at something from within, from my viewpoint, it is often tinged with the negative. I implode, not explode. So, all the "good" of a day can be ruined by one brief frustration, or all the "fullness" of a good week can be tainted by one stressful conversation.



 

There was a movie in the 80s called "Mask." It starred Eric Stolz (pictured above) and Cher. Rocky is a high school boy, strong student with big dreams, but hindered by his extreme facial deformity. His cranial bones will not stop growing and ultimately lead to him having a pity-induced shortened life span. Following his death, his alcoholic slutty mother, Cher, finds a poem he had written and reads it at his graveside. There were two stanzas, things that were good and things that were bad. Both stanzas ended with "sunshine on my face."

 

I get that.

I wish I could squelch that internal dialogue though... so the good is just... good. I guess I can work on that. I have done well at curbing my knee jerk reaction to responding to situations... sometimes.

So, the good...

I was awarded Teacher of the Month for November. This is something the new Superintendent instituted, so I'm not really sure of the parameters or selection process. I think the administration just decides who to award it to since there's been no "voting" amongst the staff for it. The boss gave me flowers and I have a luncheon with the other county recipients and the Superintendent on Monday. Acknowledgement is a good thing. I would work as hard and long without it, but it's nice to get the nod that your efforts are not unrecognized. (See how good I did there not footnoting it with complaints of the picture required for it today?) (No, this doesn't count.)

Our New Mom in the English Department has returned from Maternity Leave. So, we have an intact English Department for this school year finally and I only have to worry about my four classes again. (Some funny perspective at work there to make me "thankful" for four classes, when the norm is three.)

It's Key Club week. We have had a jam packed week of achievement and fun. I have allowed myself to be more laid back, not get stressed about the event details, and let the kids step into their leadership roles. They were outstanding at Induction Monday night, and I use that word in its literal sense- they stood out amongst their peers. Breakfast on Tuesday and Movie Night tonight were just plain fun, with many guttural laughs. And tomorrow will be a long yet rewarding day with the Blood Drive, followed by a Thanksgiving Dinner & Dance with our adult mentally-challenged friends at Zuni.

Then on Saturday, Justin will be coming home for Thanksgiving week.
I haven't seen him in almost a year.

So much GOOD to reflect on...
I just need to drink the dang glass of water and be over it already.
I definitely need to drink more water seriously though, relying far too much on caffeine this week (always)!

My Big Fat Turkey

Disclaimer: This is not a Thanksgiving post.

You know how the "Diet Experts" will advise you to use a smaller plate, such as a salad plate, for your meals because it will mentally trick you into not thinking you are eating smaller portions? (Yeah, cause fat people are dumb.)

And, you know how "plate" is often used as a metaphor for life? Such as "I have a lot on my plate right now"? (Well, I do.)

Right now.

It feels like my life is one of those "tricky" smaller salad plates and my "life" that is piled on top of it is an oversized, steroid-injected turkey that you buy your first year on your own without realizing it will never thaw so Thanksgiving morning is spent sodomizing it with a hair dryer (or at least, that's how my first Thanksgiving on my own began). (Neither the Butterball hotline nor I recommend this method of defrosting poultry.)

First, I just have to pause and take a moment to mourn the passing of summer. Many joke that the top three reasons teachers teach are: June, July, and August. That is certainly not the case with me. I love my job - my career and my school. Even when those particularly stressful years end, I am anxious to get back and start all over again.

This abbreviated summer though made me realize the importance of those months away, to renew and rebuild. Even though I spend many a summer day floating on a raft at the water park mentally plotting out a new lesson plan, I am still physically away from the daily grind.

This summer though after teaching summer school and then doing remediation, and then coming back early to work on curriculum in my new role as Department Head, and then starting in-services before most in my new role as a Mentor to new a new teacher, my actual summer seemed only about two weeks. I know, I know! The "average" person only gets a two week vacation anyway (and you already have off every weekend and holiday, you spoiled teacher). Perhaps had I known it was going to be such an abbreviated summer, I would have planned a better use of my time... but probably not, as it was far too much of those two weeks was spent watching TV court shows. (Love me some Judge Alex.)

I am thankful for the monetary gain that some summer activities brought and thankful for the workplace recognition the other opportunities brought. The main effect was that this school year didn't have that "Kick Off" feeling that punctuates the end of summer and begins the school year. It feels like I never left... because basically, I didn't. There is, of course, nothing that I can do about that now. I just want to make note of it, so when reflecting back on this summer in planning for the next, I am more inspired to take advantage of the days away from school.

I have also made a weak-hearted pledge to myself that I will not bring home any school work for Thanksgiving or Christmas Break and make the most of those times to unplug and reconnect... but we'll see how that resolution goes.

I loathe when people complain to me about how busy they are. Well really, it's the people that always do it... and who I don't see doing very much at all. They are just "too busy" surviving life and thriving on the attention from being overwhelmed. I try so hard not to be that person, not to complain about how busy I am. I know there are times I fail at that. I know there are times when I am a hypocrite for doing the very thing I loathe so much. I know there are ridiculously egotistical times when I want to compare my "busy" to someone else's "busy."

All that being said... I am really damn busy! And, I don't mean my normal busy (see, there's that egotistical slant). I mean busy to the brink of insanity (literally, I will explain in a second). Having come into school earlier than most this year, I could have been in a position to start the year off ahead of the game, but then a new twist made that impossible. I was honored to ask to be English Department Chairperson (even if by default) and the duties of that role were manageable. I was so very happy to finally get the chance to Mentor a new teacher. I strive to keep a positive helpful attitude about the kids we teach and the school we teach in, and that is the attitude a new teacher should be greeted with. It helps that our new English teacher comes in with experience, a wealth of knowledge on differentiated styles, and a student-focused attitude. It has been many years since I had that kind of shared philosophy and peer-connection with another teacher.

The stickler to that smooth transition into my tenth (10th!) year of teaching was taking on a fourth class. This is not uncommon in our budget-compromised school. However, it wasn't a traditional English class and needed some curriculum development from the ground up. So that has been consuming, and I have had to stay several steps ahead of myself to feed the needed material to another teacher working with this "Freshman Success" program. Thankfully, it's only a quarter class so I get a whole new batch of students next week and know the tweaks to make to the program after the first run-through. So, I feel like I am over the hurdle on that one... but it was a painful, mud-drenched, final leg of the race kind of hurdle.

I am serving as Chairperson for the School Leadership Team this year. It speaks to how big of a dork I am when I wanted so much to do it in an atmosphere where everyone calmly avoids eye contact not to be nominated. That considered, I am also picking up the secretarial duties of the team. Not to continue my questionably-over-reiterated-cheerful attitude about school though, I would really like to see this team grow and lift the school's culture of success with it. Many roles I take on knowing the actual duties are not time-consuming or frankly, that important in the wider scheme of operations. This is one case though that I would like to hold the spotlight myself down on the group and work with them to achieve great things in our school.

If I can find time.

In my new role as Department Head, I am back on Staff Council, which is good because I am intrinsically nosey and like to know what's going on. This year our school is undergoing evaluation for continued accreditation by the Southern Association of Colleges & Schools (SACS). I was asked to chair the committee on our school's Purpose & Direction. Even though this is potentially one of those positions that involves extra time and stress, I am honored to be "voluntold"  as a representative for our staff in this manner. For all those days that I question if I am doing too much, acknowledgement in this manner is invaluable to me.

I stepped up to the role of Sophomore Sponsor, but that is one of those rare times that I know it is more title than work, with my primary duty thus far having been writing receipts for Class Dues. Key Club, of course, is quite the opposite. We are going into this year with 87 members, more than 10% of the school. We are pretty much booked solid through Christmas Break (and several events afterwards). There are many weeks during which we have events every single day, often several on the same day. I think this role is enough to define my life as "busy" if none of the others existed. I have been worried about this graduating class. Although many developed Senioritis before the school year even began, I will be graduating my last strong wave of leadership. I am latching onto a few younger ones and trying to pull them up in the ranks. Thus far, things are looking more promising than I had thought.

Outside of school, the new Relay Year is starting to boil. I was dreading the added stress of it at first, but after just one meeting with Rochelle and Billie I am ready to get things rolling (especially if measured by proportion of Pinterest time spent pinning Relay ideas!). Thankfully, so very thankfully, Billie who pretty much did serve as a Co-Chair last year, although she refused the title, has embraced it this year so I will be able to narrow my focus more and hopefully feel less stressed and more involved hands-on, than behind-curtain, on Relay Day.

Busy and all this seems, it is only shades of grey (heh!) from my "Normal." The biggest life adjustment right now is in relation to Jason's health. He has had to medically withdraw from college this semester, maybe year, due to the painful and unmanageable cocktail his life has become of competing medical issues. There is a teetering scale in our lives measuring the lessened stress of Jason not being in school on our day-to-day schedule with the added stress of health concerns and the life-hold caused by him not being in school.

We are slapped in the face with the news that we need to improve our health. It is so wrong to even refer to that as "news." We know this. We've known this. I have purposely avoided writing about anything weight-related during this blog's resurrection because in the past writing about it, and then failing at whatever trail to success had inspired me to write, was too hard to look back to. This is where praising my busyness fails. I can't take the time to plan a meal or cook a meal or take a walk because I am so overwhelmed by all that I have to do. All that I always have to do. Always. "Nutrition" is about the quick & easy. "Health" is about the dealing with it only when I have to.

Obviously, I have to.

I'm not dealing with the medical crises that Jason is, but I am constantly lethargic. It takes a great deal of effort to do anything. Anything. I used to rely on my brief spurts of energy through the day and night to tackle the waiting tasks. They don't come any more.

I went to the doctor this week. I have been having issues with half of my face going numb for a while. Of course, I just shrugged it off. Mainly I contributed it to my overdue dental needs or ever-present eye issues, maybe coupled with sinuses. Well last Friday, the numbness moved to the other side of my face completely, and that left me a little freaked. I didn't even Dr. Google it and I could only wonder if it was the precursor to having a stroke.

The doc wants me to see a neurologist, and suggested that it might be a response to stress. I replied ... wait for it... that I don't get stressed. I don't have time in my life to be stressed, nothing would get done. Logically, I know this is not true. I just try to bottle my stress and sit it tucked away on a shelf behind the counter for none to see... as I volunteer to take on more work, and more work. Following the doctor appointment, as I have monitored when the numbness is happening, I think it very well may be a response to stress. My body rejecting what my mind is denying. Ultimately, and I know wrongly... I know... I'm just going to shrug it off, for now, with other medical concerns I don't have time to worry about.

So, perhaps that is the genesis for this ridiculously long self-serving, self-reflecting blog post. I am, and always will be, very reserved about what I post on "Them Internets" but maybe I need to reconnect to the therapy of writing it out. I feel a bit less weighted just putting these labels on all the bricks weighing down on my shoulders right now.

And, should any of our family manage to read through all these ramblings, perhaps they will understand why last year's Christmas gifts are still sitting in our Dining Room.

In closing, I will share my new phone lock screen image.

Summer Suspended

The calendar says that it's July, the second week of July to be exact. I am well acquainted with the date because I write it on the board each morning before Summer School begins. Even though the calendar says we are in the throws of summer, I don't quite feel it yet. Shortly after declaring that morning Summer School was an ideal situation because I was earning some extra bank but still had the greater part of the day to enjoy summer... I was asked to remediate students in the afternoon that need to retake the state-mandated Reading test. Thus, at least three days a week I spend nine hour days at the school, more than I would on some regular school days (not most, because I usually am among the last to end the school day).

Summer School ends this week, and then there's only a couple of extra days of Remediation to finish next week. Summer Days are close. I can smell them. They smell like the chlorinated pools of Water Country. The truth is, given my school schedule- and even on weekends- I certainly still could have had a little Summer Fun. But I have not. I have not been to Busch Gardens since before school ended, despite our season passes. I have not been to Water Country or the beach at all. My soul is really craving some sand between my toes. I know... I know... I like the idea of going to the beach far more than the reality. Until I am still washing sand from hidden crevices three days later though, that fact is not really going to outshine the ideal.

Contrary to my decision to "Not Count Down" during the school year, quite the contrary has been true for the summer. According to the app on the front of my phone, there are

39 days, 10 hours, 4 minutes, and 20 seconds

until school starts back for staff... 19 seconds, 18 seconds, 17 seconds...

I am not at all counting down the days with the dread of returning. I look forward to the beginning of the school year. I was talking with my principal just today about how teaching is so unique in the way that you get to experience a complete renewal each year. I want to make sure I take the time to relax and revive before investing myself into a new school year though. So, the countdown serves to make sure that I don't let those opportunities sweep themselves away before life gets busy again.

I need to "Sharpen the Saw"- Habit #7 of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal.

Of course, the only person that I have ever met that adamantly followed the Seven Habits committed suicide, so... not so sure they may be the "Path to Professional Enlightenment." However, I do know myself well enough to know that if I do not specifically carve some time away the everyday routine of life over the summer I am going to be simply grumpy and stressed when school starts.

The Countdown is Over

Photo courtesy of Gwen Wilson Photography

The year has absolutely flown by. Perhaps it is not until I sit here, just tonight, on a Sunday, not feeling the normal anxiety that this time of the week usually provokes as I build the mental list of all that I did not accomplish over the weekend and all that lies in the week ahead, that it really feels like the school year has ended.

Seriously... on Sunday nights?... I'm usually a mess.

Not tonight though, because there is no school tomorrow. The "official" start of my summer is still in limbo until I know whether enough students enroll in Summer School for me to have a class, and I am still going back up to the school one day this week, to clean the Key Club room and maybe serve on a Handbook Revisions committee. However, the Class of 2013 has tossed their caps in the air and thus school has ended and summer break has begun.

Truly though, it has absolutely flown by! This is not something that I say every year. Usually early to mid-May, something will click and I am just ready for it to be over. Usually it is accompanied by some lapse in sanity... such as standing in front of my room hitting the "unlock" button on my key chain (as in, with the car's keyless entry button), wondering why the classroom door won't open. (True Story.) But that time never really came this year.

Maybe it's because of my declaration before school to started not to "Countdown" this time around. Not to start the week off asking, "Is it Friday yet?" Not to know how many days until Christmas Break, Spring Break, Summer. The truth is I very rarely ever did have a "countdown" mentality to the school year. However, I faked it pretty well. It's the fallback social banter of teachers. My common quip at the end of the first day of school was always, "Only 179 more days to go!"

The truth is I love my job. Langston Hughes asked what happens to "A Dream Deferred" and I could write my own, equally prolific poem in response, because after many... many jobs... I am living my dream deferred. There are days, of course, this isn't so easy to remember. And there have been entire school years in the past that would make this hard to believe. Most days, most years though, I am so thankful for the new life I have found in teaching.

So going into this school year, I made the conscious decision to not engage in the negativity. It's inevitable, especially in light of so many changes, in leadership, in school and even state & federal policy. I pledged to offer positive responses to gripes and complaints, and remove myself from the situation when the effort seemed fruitless. There were surely times I failed, but there were many more times in which I succeeded. Just as assuredly, I probably really ticked some people off... by not being ticked off... and how funny is that? More importantly, I think I came across to most as someone who loves my job, and that is all I care about.

So maybe that's why this year flew by faster than ever before. Next year, I need to prioritize documenting the memories better- whether through photographs, or journaling, or this blog, or even my (newly required) teacher notebook. I don't want another year to end in which I have to struggle to remember all that happened. Another year like this.

My year began and ended with very stressful meetings. I found myself forgetting being a part of the school leadership team, the Key Club earning the rank of Distinguished Club- Diamond Level, raising over $13,000 again for Relay for Life and being a part of bringing it to the high school and overnight, having one mother fight to get her son moved into my Honors class, and other mothers thank me for how much I have taught and prepared their children, and receiving a score much higher than I had anticipated on the new teacher evaluation system. Instead, I just found myself asking why did my year have to end like this- with such a stressful meeting, that I should have stayed on the periphery of anyway, and not have dealt with.

After only ruminating on this a few days though came graduation, and it gave me a new memory to frame my year with- Kristen's speech. While she mentioned the influence of her elementary years and noted the memory of gasping for air from the classroom window while dissecting a frog, she definitely highlighted the influence Key Club- and I- have on the school, and her life. This was a footnote to the speech and presentation she had already made to me at the year-end awards ceremony.

This. This was an amazing way to end this school year. It's not because I got another plaque for the "I love me" wall (or chalkboard ledge in this case). (Although, I do love plaques, as Kristen so lovingly noted in her presentation.) It's not that I had "McHenry is awesome" sentiments proclaimed at two big year-end ceremonies. I don't know that I can really explain what "it" is.

I have thought lately about that big philosophical question, "What is the meaning of life?" What is the purpose of our time spent here? I don't know exactly what the answer to that is... unsurprisingly. But, when I ponder it, I think about the idea of legacies. I want the influence that I have on the life of others to extended beyond our face-to-face moments. I want to know that I have impacted lives in  ways that will influence others to do the same. That I have affected lives in a way that will make them remember our time together and what they learned- not just about improving writing through proper pronoun agreement, but about life, and the greater world.

I think my Key Clubbers and everything they do is beyond words... although I try to find those words... and although they are often drowned in tears when I do. Occasionally though, I will find myself pause, and I will wonder if THEY get "it." Is my image of this legacy distorted? Do I think all that we do is so amazing and they just think it's another bullet on their college application... of course, there are certainly those for who it is just that.

But then there are moments like "this." Moments when I see they get "it." And these moments provided by Kristen this year were the pinnacle of seeing that legacy grow, seeing that influence, seeing "it."

Ironically, or perhaps not since we seem to have many coincidences like this, the message of Kristen's graduation speech was "The Countdown is Over." It kind of brings everything full circle, doesn't it? Even though I began my year with the mindset of not counting down, it didn't matter. Face it, or not, we start each school year with only 180 days. That time- like life itself- is going to fly by. As teachers, as mentors, we have to keep a dedicated focus to making those days, every day, memorable- inside the classroom and out.

It's a Wrap!

This is not going to be a post bemoaning the end of Spring Break and the return to school tomorrow... although it could be.

I am not going to express regret for not making a To Do List... although I should have.
Or express regret for not actually taking a "break" during Spring Break... although I should have.

I am not going to muse on how the days passed at a leisurely pace at first, and then all too quickly piled on top of one another as they whisked away at the end of the week... although they did. They always do.

Instead, I will just recap the memorable moments of Spring Break 2013.

Because there certainly were some. The most memorable would have to be on Wednesday afternoon. As I was sitting in the living room sewing (Seriously! I was sewing. It was just a button... but I was sewing.), I heard a loud BANG outside. It sounded like when the back end of a tractor trailer with an empty bed hits a bump in the road. I looked out the window just in time to see the cables running from the top of telephone poles snap and fall to the street. When I stepped outside, I saw a truck driving across the neighbor yard and heard wheels spinning. The view was obstructed by the hedge of trees and bushes dividing our yards. When I crossed over to see what was going on... I don't really know how to describe the scene.

An elderly gentleman was driving a truck carrying a flatbed trailer with a riding lawn mower. He hit the telephone pole across from our house then drove two wheels down the sidewalk, knocking out mailboxes, until the truck hit the next telephone pole then tumbled the lawn mower into the middle of the street before racing across the neighbor's yard, stopping just a few feet from crashing into their garage.

The driver was unconscious when I approached the vehicle and for the next several hours our section of the road was shut down to a parade of police cars and fire trucks and ambulances and tow trucks and animal control. What made an intense situation even scarier is that Cameron was in the front yard with the neighbor when the truck came ripping through. It's too much to grasp the reminder of how fragile life is. (Forgive me if that borders dramatic.)

 

 

Cameron filling out his police report for the accident. (Hopefully not a foreshadowing for future dealings with the police.)

On Thursday, Benjamin had an appointment with the doc following one month on a stronger anti-biotic for ear fluid. Unfortunately, it did not help enough and there is still enough fluid behind his ear drums that we are being sent back to the ENT for a follow-up appointment, which will likely lead to new ear tubes. The ones he had put in a bit over a year and a half ago have just recently fallen out, although they are still laying in the ear canal, which makes my own ear twitch a little just to think about.

Perhaps the only good note about our sometimes frequent visit to the doctor is that Benjamin has visited the office often enough without having to get shots that he has no apprehension about going. He fussed at Cameron for sitting in the doctor's chair and when the doc came in he insisted on rolling up his pant legs and showing the doc his "boo boo" (scraped knee). It is, however, incredibly more difficult to entertain (and restrain) him in the examination room now that just crumpling the paper on the tables are not enough entertainment to capture his attention.

Cameron had his first experience in his LTG role for Key Club over Spring Break. He went for Board Training in Herndon, Virginia, Friday - Sunday. Thankfully, he was able to drive up with one of the Adult District Board Members so I only had to drop him off and pick him up from Williamsburg. Friday morning we ran some errands before the drop-off, including picking up presents for Benjamin's birthday, and items for the Relay Team's summer-themed raffle.

I needed beach chairs, towels, and an umbrella with stand. So, we drove out to Virginia Beach to find good deals at the tourist shops. I have to admit that I have felt twinges of jealousy (and maybe even a little hatred... just a tinge) towards all the people on my Facebook page posting their updates and photos from Busch Gardens, the beaches, and Florida (Florida!). We, on the other hand, managed to put our feet in the sand for about 20 minutes between errands.

Looking ahead, after next year's Spring Break, Jason will either be teaching in my school district, or hopefully teaching in a district with the same schedule and taking "real" vacations on school breaks will be an option. In the mean time, I need to strive towards not always bringing so much work home with me. Not having that never-ending To Do list churning through the back of my my mind during the entire break.

Be right back... in 9 weeks