Friday, August 21, 2009

It Takes Two Baby

For about a week, I was waking up with very sore breasts. I didn't think much of it at first and contributed it to PMS symptoms. It didn't really occur to me that it wasn't the right time for that. A couple of those days though, it did occur to me that it was different than the normal PMS breast tenderness. It reminded me very much of the times many (many, many, many) years ago when I breastfed the boys. There was a fullness to them, as if I might start leaking at any minute.

Then, it was kind hard to overlook the fact that I was going to pee a lot, like every 20-40 minutes, a lot.

So, on Friday night (8/14), late in the night after everyone was in bed, I googled pregnancy symptoms. In retrospect, I have can no longer refuse that I was in denial because even females that haven't been through this lil journey before know that sore breasts and frequent urination were symptoms of pregnancy. Web MD confirmed these suspicions. Then, of course, I deleted that day's history because I was being "ridiculous" and didn't want Jason to see what I had been looking at.

Saturday nothing significant happened and I didn't think much about it. On Sunday, as I was getting dressed, I walked past the dresser mirror naked and noticed immediately that my breasts looked different. I told that gal in the mirror, that certainly couldn't be me, "you're pregnant."

Nonetheless, I got dressed and engaged in Sunday's goal- to clean our bedroom. I tried to find a movie to watch as I did. Of course, every screen listed some movie related to pregnancy or babies. So, I settled on "He Said, She Said" and started to clean.

I didn't see much of the movie though because a mental flip switched and I decided to go to Farm Fresh and get a pregnancy test. Like a 16 year old girl with her boyfriend waiting in the car, I lurked through the pharmacy aisles looking for the boxes to no avail. Then, I saw they were in a locked cabinet at the pharmacy counter. Of. course. they. were. So, I had to ask the pharmacist for one... and yes, of course, I blabbered on to give the impression it wasn't for me. Something to the effect of, "She said to make sure I got the EPT."

I paid for the test at the pharmacy and snuck it, peeking over my shoulder and under stalls, into the bathroom. Why did I decide to do this in the public bathroom of a grocery store? Well, let me at least attempt to justify by saying that it is a very large and clean and moderately new bathroom... but mainly, when it said negative, I wanted to throw away all the evidence before I came home.

So... I tried... and... of course... for the first time in many days... I. could. not. pee.

I grabbed a large bottle of Dasani and chugged it as I unecessarily stressed over what kind of pasta to buy. Then, I headed back to the bathroom. I was a bit peeved that you were forced to buy 2 pregnancy tests. Was I supposed to stash the second one in my sock drawer to have handy the next time I thought I was pregnant?

So, the stick was wet. I placed the cap back on and rested it on my leg. It was a digitial test so there was a flipping little hourglass to show that it was working. The instructions said that it would take 3 to 5 minutes for the result. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and the ridiculous thing read "Pregnant."

Well, that can't be right, I thought as I suddenly understood the logic of including two tests and failingly tried to do the second one. I needed some "recovery time." So, I grabbed the few things I needed from the store and went across the street to Belk, a department store. I walked around in the baby clothes for a few minutes feeling completely numb. I considered laying against a rack, just so overwhelmed by it all. However, I realized how pathetic that would look and considering my already present "nonbaby girth," they very well may think I was a woman in labor.

So, I went to the Belk bathroom and took the second pregnancy test. Same result. Wow.

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