Big Brother 15

While, in many ways, it does not seem like we are near the middle of the summer... in other ways, it is definitely obvious the summer months are upon us. One such BIG way to know it's summer time... Big Brother!

I watched the first few seasons of Big Brother religiously, then didn't watch for many years. Over the past few seasons though, I have definitely been a Big Brother "Mega Fan."

 

Like many, I wasn't too thrilled when CBS released the cast picture of this season's houseguests. I agreed with the streams of online complaints that this looks more like a cast for "Road Rules" or another MTV series than the diverse crowd that CBS usually gathers up and sequesters for the summer months. Thankfully though, the mix of personalities has been anything but homogeneous and those self-labeled "popular" and "beautiful" people are not enjoying the summer break they had anticipated.

 

Last year, I faithfully blogged weekly on BB14. That's not going to happen this season though... despite how much I enjoyed watching my number of blog hits those days. (Oh... if only folks in real life could enjoy my snarky criticism as much as blog lurkers, what a wonderful world this would be... eh?) I toyed with the idea of subscribing to the Live Feed this summer. When I decided against that idea, I thought about just subscribing to Showtime for a few months to watch "After Dark." However, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that it had moved to TVGN, a channel we already receive. After watching a few episodes, I am glad I didn't spend any cash for a few more doses of BB throughout the week. It's cool to see behind the scenes and know the background or "whole story" of what CBS producers decide to share. Moreso though, it's rather frustrated to endure all the whispering and bleeping of profanity. Often too... it's just boring. I have only fully sat through a few episodes of the filled DVR'ed cache.

That is not to suggest that I am not enjoying the season though. So here's a summary of my input on the contestants, from most favored to least (more or less), of those left in the house after 2 evictions.

 

  

I love Helen! If BB had not taught me to be more racially paranoid sensitive, I would say that I will usually favor a strong Asian woman in these type of reality shows... but that is probably a product of unjust stereotyping. I don't think she has longevity in the game overall because her alliance with Elissa has placed her on the fringe of the nucleus of the power groups. However, I think she is a smart player. Her background in politics is clearly evident in how she speaks and approaches some situations- such as her proposed deal to Aaryn, the very one who put her on the block. Her mild manner is going to keep the target off her back for a little while I think. She is generally likable, such as when most of the house got angry that Aaryn made her a Have-Not for  second consecutive week. In her HOH role though, it has become obvious that a little bit of power may be her poison, such as threatening the guys who wouldn't come clean about their ill-planned alliance with "I will evict you."  She played it safe going with the obvious eviction candidates this first turn at power. Not so sure she may that ruled by logic next time around when the choices aren't so easy. Then again, that could set her up for the kind of "Power Move" it takes to make big things happen in this game. She should also be smarter about discussing her husband and especially, kids, and shedding tears about how much she misses them. This makes it too easy for other house guests to send her home to be with her family- it alleviates some of their guilt in announcing her name in the diary room.

We are big Amanda fans in this house! During the first night of "After Dark," Amanda donned a makeshift flight attendant suit and directed the "passengers" of the aviation themed Have-Not room, f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Seriously, I think she was acting out this shtick for the full two hours. So, early on? Not such a fan. As the weeks have passed though? Big fan. She too is a smart player. She is able to figure out what is going on with the other players and uses her "Pizza Boy" to deliver the news when she can't. (Deliver... ha, get it?) She definitely has a lot of control in the game but doesn't directly manipulate people to get it. Candace may get credit for "discovering" the boys' alliance but I think Amanda is the one responsible for single-handedly bringing an end to it. She is like a bug zapper, a bright light they all gather closer to not knowing their demise may come soon at her hand. I think she is perfectly balanced between having control but not being controlling. Unfortunately for her, I think Spencer clearly sees this and it could become a Puppet Master battle directly between the two of them. I also like how frankly honest she is, most evidently shown in her confrontations with Aaryn. Mostly though, her snarkiness in the house is unrivaled and worthy of admiration.

Aaryn. Do I like her? Hell no. But she has to rank high for me right now purely for the entertainment factor of what a total train wreck she is! First, this summer brought us the Butter Queen Paula Dean's fallen empire for a twenty-year old utterance to a "white" woman who was offended. Then, this summer brought us the explosively controversial Zimmerman trial, whose vigilante street violence following the ruling shadows the LA riots of Rodney King's days. (Can't we all just get along?) Now, we have CBS running disclaimers prior to episodes of BB that the prejudiced comments of house guests are a product of reality tv and not a reflection of producers. (Fearing a little law suit there?) Rather than sitting in judgment of whether or not I think she's racist, and to what degree, I'm simply enjoying her show of self-victimization. Her image of reality is so distorted that its mind-bogglingly hilarious. When she won head of household, she immediately threw a key around her neck and grew devil horns from her crown. She was unabashingly evil, directing her wrath at whomever she though had a role in the eviction of her bedmate. Then, the very next week, she cries "Why me?" when the target lands on her back. Then (!) Amanda tries to explain to her that the house is offended by her racial remarks (and that's only the ones that they hear!), and she finds that "funny" and "wishes" should care, but doesn't. And when Amanda loses the Have-Not competition, Aaryn says "Karma" punished her for being mean. Wow, just wow. She is Queen Bee of a dying clique and she is going to play sour grapes ("I am just ready to go home") until she walks out the door because she is too delusional to think she can be unliked ("They're just jealous") and defeated by a bunch of "losers."

 

I don't feel like I have much of an idea of what Elissa is like at all. I feel like she has really pulled back and contained her personality to try and squeeze under the radar as much as possible with the huge target that has been on her back since day one. I don't see how anyone can call themselves a Big Brother fan and have not seen the resemblance to Rachel. I seriously hope CBS didn't think there could be any chance of that remaining a secret for any length of time. I cannot believe Elissa even tried to hide or lie about it. I mean, seriously, those two sisters are so cloned from the same gene pool that I imagine Mummy gets them confused after a few too many glasses of wine at dinner. My main respect for Elissa right now is her cockroach-after-nuclear-fallout level of survival in this game, having been on the block twice, initially the vocal target twice, and still standing. Now, I think that hasn't been mostly of her own effort but rather how others chose to pawn her in the game. Like Helen, I think her longevity is limited by being on that fringe of any power nucleus in the game. I don't think we'll ever see her personality fully break out because her head will always be laying a little too close to the guillotine until the night she is evicted and it is chopped off. In the mean time, I do hope that someone else gets MVP and shakes up the game some. 

 

 

Spencer is known more fondly in our house as "Choo Choo Man." He looks, speaks, thinks, and has the mannerisms of Jason's brother, Shawn. When, CBS first released the cast picture, Spencer stood out because he was expected to be pushed outside of the group of beach bunnies and babes. That has certainly proven true. Most of what I have learned about Spencer has been from the "After Dark" episodes because as he himself points out, his speech is laced with far too many explicatives to make the producers' cuts. That really must be the case because CBS is far undershining the hand he has been playing in the BB plot. He too is a smart player. He can read people well. It is appropriate that he is often seen playing chess because he thinks beyond his immediate move in the BB game. As mentioned earlier, he sees the threat that Amanda is. Those two and Nick were the smartest players in the game. Nick is gone, and whichever of the two brains left that leaves next will determine a long chain of power and events in this game I think. Amanda's control is a lot more evident because of her sycophant pizza boy. Other than Nick, who is no longer a threat, I don't think anyone realizes the power Spencer has. He can discuss the game in such a rational way that his audience is led to believe whatever he thinks the best conclusion is. He is smart too in that he doesn't always shows those cards at one time, but splinters off who he speaks to, never showing himself as a leader to the whole. I think he may manage to avoid the target for quite a while.

I don't like Jessie. She reminds me of the kids that I called "Barnacles" in high school. She never quite made it on to the popularity ship but clung to the bottom of it like a crusty barnacle just trying to ride along. She is expendable no matter which side of the house she aligns herself with. She mainly gets my respectable nod this week for jumping off that popularity ship and snubbing with the "uncute" of the house. Of course, that was decision made easier when she ran out of options for a showmance. The night she was following Nick around in his room hoping for a kiss? Could you not hear the whispers of Psycho's Eek! Eek! Eek! in the background? That was straight creepy. I don't think she's a bright player... or all that bright, in general. I think she is motivated mainly by the desire to be "liked." I think she is easily manipulated and will be pawned several times until she is just casted off.

Having spoken of stereotypes earlier, it certainly seems that the CBS producers are trying to cast Andy as the "flamboyant one." He, of course, makes it easy for them to do so. When he is not facing directly into a camera and putting on a show, he is no where as buoyantly outgoing as the chosen air-time segments make him seem to be. He's likable for the most part, and therefore will rank him higher than the players I simply don't like. However, he doesn't have a real strong game. I don't have much respect for the game that he is trying to play. I don't like the fact he tries to secretly align himself with the "other" side when he think he's safe from being discovered, to the point that he lies about his vote to win their favor... even though by "admitting" (lying) he voted against them, which is just ironically funny.

Pansy is the word that comes to mind when I think of how to describe McCrae. The greatest tidbit involving him yet was when, on the first night, several of the houseguests thought he was a secret genius, lying about his pizza boy cover. Of course, after spending a few days with him... no one questioned that much longer. The potential for a lukewarm showmance between the Pizza Boy and the Realtor to the Stars is entertaining and funny... until it becomes sad when you see how softened and broken down he is by a little affection. He's indecisive, whiny, and weak-willed. It is already obvious to the smarter players that he and Amanda need to be broken up because he is so easily manipulated by the extra X chromosome.

I do respect that Howard, unlike most (all?) of his predecessors, has been a man true to his faith... thus far. The only potential conflict with that was when he claimed needing to pull himself away from the environment of bigotry with the "popular" kids or else he may get violent. It didn't ring true for me. He comes across as the type of person who claims to remove himself from conflict to save himself from getting riled up when, in reality, is just scared of that conflict to begin with. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he truly wants to "turn the other cheek" to the negativity surrounding the prejudice issues in the house... but he seems more interested in playing "protector"- to Candace from the racial slurs and to the house, from his potential (and doubtful) wrath to me. I don't think he's a smart player. He's a renegade when it comes to following the plans of his alliances. I think he's dead weight that can be cast off without much effect. When the heat is on the much more visible targets though he will probably "grab  a life vest" and float along for a while.

 

 

I think Jason most aptly described Judd when he compared him to Hank's neighbor on "King of the Hill." Most conversations with Judd go something like this... brr, grr, mumble, mumble, I like beer, mumble, mumble, grr, brr... only not that logical. Now imagine that magnified by him whispering his muttering nonsense during the "After Dark" clips. I just have to fast forward through any segments with him. He is wallpaper, purely unforgettable in the game. You could watch an entire episode, not see Judd, and not even realize it. During the first couple of weeks, someone would mention something about Judd, and we would ask, "Who?" Like Howard, he will manage to float through the eviction of all the targets and then he is expendable at any time. The only event of his that is even mildly interesting is this new impetus to protect Jessie from the Mean Girls, that's kinda "presh."

 

 

 

Wallpaper would be a good way to describe Kaitlin in the game also- another name that we would ask "Who?" to when we heard it in the early weeks. She is a hemorrhoid conflicted as to whether she would rather attach herself to Aaryn or Jeremy. Of course, Jeremy would be be the preferred derrière. It is obvious that she is the girl that defines her identity by the man she is with. To Katie, success in the BB house is having the cutest boyfriend. She probably doesn't even know there is half a million at stake here. Jeremy, however, is not as stupid and would heft her over the BB fence himself if that's what it took to advance him in the game.

 

 



I don't like Candace. If Aaryn had not made it so easy for her, Candace still would have found conflict in the house. The Net is littered with her pageant and cheerleading pics. When it became obvious to her that she wasn't going to be "the pretty one" in the game, she would have had to build a stage herself for the Drama Queen performances. Unfortunately, Aaryn gave her all the reasons she needed to the throw attention-getting pity parties and temper tantrums. I think it's hypocritical to be offended by Aaryn's portrayal of her "acting ghetto" and then turn around and DO "act ghetto" in defense. I really hope she keeps stirring it up and is out the door soon. I fear instead, being at the center of the race conflict, is going to make any of the houseguests apprehensive with putting her on the block for a while.

Odd picture to choose of Gina Marie, right? I couldn't resist. I remember wayyy back when Kelli Clarkson was on the first "American Idol." She looked like two completely different people when she was in vs. out of make-up. My morning deejay even commented that her husband didn't believe it was the same girl. Same thing here. Gina Marie, without make-up, looks so very different than the glamorized version of her spread all over the Net. I can't mentally connect those two images any more than I can connect the brash-mouth, crast, annoying-loud-cackling Long Island hooch on BB with a high-fashion model and pageant coordinator... and trust me, I have seen my share of "Toddler and Tiara" disasters to make the comparison. All this was even before Nick left. It may be harsh, but was rather funny to watch the blubbering ball of slime she became when Nick unexpectedly walked out. Even Julie Chen joked about it. I understand the "Summer Camp" mentality of getting close to people quickly because you spend so much time together... but get over it already and play the game.

Last, and certainly least, is Jeremy. I disliked Jeremy from the time they showed his promo introduction before the houseguests even arrived at the CBS studio. He puts far too much effort in making a caricature of himself as the "Cherokee Heartthrob." On the first night of "After Dark," he was explaining to the others how he always took two girls to a dance in high school... not like this was a big accomplishment, but just like that's how being the Cherokee Heartthrob works. He's a hypocrite and tries to play pivotal roles in both alliances. He thinks he has far more control and power than he does, when the power has shifted in the house and he is on the outside looking in. He is fake... whether it's fake bravado for his lady audiences or fake sincerity that he thinks is fooling the opposing side of the house, it's not. The target on his back should be growing like the circle around a tick bite.

Moose

Moose by Stephanie Klein

 

 

Stephanie Klein was on the fringe of the women I followed when I first started blogging. I read her blog a few times but it never really became part of my regular reading list. I do remember other bloggers though discussing when she released this memoir though, so it has always been on the back of my mind on that long (long) list of books I would like to eventually read.

My freshmen Academic & Honors students read Ernest Gains' short story, "The Sky is Gray." It is a story rich in symbolism and connotation. It is often criticized though for the unrealistic narration of an 8 year old. It's just not believable that James, the young protagonist, would have the deep insight that his first person narrative portrays.

Klein's narration of this memoir presents the same problems for me. The majority of the narrative is  reflection on the abbreviated summer spent at "fat camp" before her freshman year of high school. Included also are sprinkling of family dynamics and school isolation before the camp and a glimpse at her life as a young adult and then mother, still plagued by the weight-conscious issues of her youth. Being told through the reflection of an adult causes a large portion of her childhood tales to lose authenticity for me. Events being presented as fact seem more the self-reflective analysis of an adult rather than the views and ideas of a child and teen. Some instances too are just to hard to believe, specifically those involving sexual desires at an abnormally young age.

At other times though, reading the memoir was like connecting a Judy Blume book of my own early teens. I am anticipating the new sitcom and movie this summer based on camps, even though they seem to be rather tongue-in-cheek. They, much like this novel, have a very 80's flavor to the heart of it... as most summer camp plots do for me.

For a memoir, it is rich in characters. However, as would be expected of a real-life story, it doesn't pull the reader through with mounting suspense, an unexpected climax and a neatly resolved conclusion. Rather some of the biggest issues of the narration are left unresolved, as they often are in our lives.

Moose is a story of a childhood evolved into an adulthood that is framed and defined by weight. Klein defined her successes and her failures, her loves and her hates, her good days and her bad by the numbers on the bathroom scale. The reflection is personal, vast, and encompassing of all the self-induced loathing and body-image distortions that women, and girls, face. It delved into not only females who pin the target to the chest of their own reflection but also closely examines the relationship between those who turn that judgment and ostracizing on one another.

It would hard for me to believe that a woman, and maybe even a few men, of any size or any stage of self-loathe vs. love could not find a way to connect with this memoir and reflect upon their own life.

Super Buddy

Knowing that he could disappear from our lives at any unannounced moment, just as suddenly as he came into our lives, has urged me to take a few moments to document the presence of an occasional visitor in our home.

Let me introduce you to...

 

Super Buddy!

We don't know his origin other than he followed Benjamin home from Pre-School one day. In the early days, he would appear without warning and help Benjamin speed from one room to another. Then soon after, he adopted sunglasses and rain boots as his Super Hero uniform. The Benjamin we knew and loved so well could not transform into Super Buddy without these new-found accessories.

Another Benjamin-inspired addition to the Super Buddy uniform, although not as visible, were the rockets attached to his back. They help him to BLAST OFF!!!! (and make "fire come out of my butt") when running at super speeds just isn't enough for the heroic needs at hand. Thankful to the regeneration of Superman toys due to the Summer movie release, I knew that I must supply our resident secret identity with a Superman cape when I saw it displayed in The Wal-Mart toy aisle.

In addition to the antics of running and jumping and boisterously announcing the arrival of SUPER BUDDY!!!, we are also regaled by the stories of his great adventures and super-human strength. Just today he stopped a train from running off the tracks and into the river!

Prior to this public release, however, Benjamin has gone to great lengths to hide the identity of his alter ego. At Relay, Jason tried to get him to tell several of "the girls" about Super Buddy- requests to which he quietly shook his head "no" and demurely turned away. Shortly afterwards, he would come to me and whisper, "I'm Super Buddy, shhhh."

This is our fearless child. He loves roller coasters and doing somersaults (or, as he at first called them, "salt & pepper") on our bed. He will climb on and jump from any obstacle placed before him. So, although he is pretty stupendous in his own right, we are still enjoying the frequent visits from SUPER BUDDY!!!

Summer Suspended

The calendar says that it's July, the second week of July to be exact. I am well acquainted with the date because I write it on the board each morning before Summer School begins. Even though the calendar says we are in the throws of summer, I don't quite feel it yet. Shortly after declaring that morning Summer School was an ideal situation because I was earning some extra bank but still had the greater part of the day to enjoy summer... I was asked to remediate students in the afternoon that need to retake the state-mandated Reading test. Thus, at least three days a week I spend nine hour days at the school, more than I would on some regular school days (not most, because I usually am among the last to end the school day).

Summer School ends this week, and then there's only a couple of extra days of Remediation to finish next week. Summer Days are close. I can smell them. They smell like the chlorinated pools of Water Country. The truth is, given my school schedule- and even on weekends- I certainly still could have had a little Summer Fun. But I have not. I have not been to Busch Gardens since before school ended, despite our season passes. I have not been to Water Country or the beach at all. My soul is really craving some sand between my toes. I know... I know... I like the idea of going to the beach far more than the reality. Until I am still washing sand from hidden crevices three days later though, that fact is not really going to outshine the ideal.

Contrary to my decision to "Not Count Down" during the school year, quite the contrary has been true for the summer. According to the app on the front of my phone, there are

39 days, 10 hours, 4 minutes, and 20 seconds

until school starts back for staff... 19 seconds, 18 seconds, 17 seconds...

I am not at all counting down the days with the dread of returning. I look forward to the beginning of the school year. I was talking with my principal just today about how teaching is so unique in the way that you get to experience a complete renewal each year. I want to make sure I take the time to relax and revive before investing myself into a new school year though. So, the countdown serves to make sure that I don't let those opportunities sweep themselves away before life gets busy again.

I need to "Sharpen the Saw"- Habit #7 of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal.

Of course, the only person that I have ever met that adamantly followed the Seven Habits committed suicide, so... not so sure they may be the "Path to Professional Enlightenment." However, I do know myself well enough to know that if I do not specifically carve some time away the everyday routine of life over the summer I am going to be simply grumpy and stressed when school starts.

Jen Lancaster

Here's a pic of my FBF and I from May 2011. No, that's not a misplaced "F."
My "FBF" is my "Fake Best Friend."

Don't judge.

I discovered Jen Lancaster about four years ago through the recommendation of a blogger I read at the time. It was for Pretty in Plaid, which I had seen on a friend's bookshelf. So, I borrowed it, devoured it, and Jen entered major girl-crush zone. I bought her three other memoirs at the time: Bitter is the New Black, Bright Lights Big Ass, and Such a Pretty Fat... and devoured them just as quickly. The books came with me on our family vacation to Pennsylvania and my nose was ear-deep in one as often as I could find the spare moments.

See... I realize you may think this is a one-sided delusional friendship on my part, but I tend to disagree. Dear Jen has been so kind as to schedule her memoir releases yearly right around my birthday. This is a very generous gift indeed, no? The above pic is from the release of My Fair Lazy. Jen was speaking and then signing books at a small restaurant in downtown Richmond, a bit over an hour away (like everything else). I discovered this too late unfortunately and could not get tickets to the actual speaking engagement. However, after waiting three hours I did manage to spend a few shining moments reveling in just how much we *connect.*

When originally sketching out this memoir the idea had been to focus on a year of volunteer service. I asked her what happened to that idea and she replied that it was quite possible she would have lost her entire fan base if she followed through on it. You see, Jen though hilarious without effort, has a biting sarcasm and forthrightness that some people just probably could not handle. She said that one of her first experiences was serving in a soup kitchen and the organizers were mortified by her questioning why a bunch of homeless folks couldn't serve themselves, "it's not like they have jobs." I get her point! Those involved in the experience? Not so much so.  Thus, the memoir took a new direction for that year.

Of course... of course!, I took this as an opportunity to brag on my kids and all the community work they do. I also suggested that she spend a year substitute teaching. She feigned consideration of that idea like someone practiced in the art of responding to unwarranted public advice.

Oh, and she complimented my hair.
And stroked it.
And asked if it was weird that she was stroking my hair.
Not at all Jen, not at all.

When I read Jen's memoirs, it really does feel like friendly banter, like someone dishing to me about their latest gripes or big ideas- often unfulfilled. It feels like "she thinks like me, she writes like me, she's so ME!" It really struck me that night at book signing how diverse the crowd was who felt like they "connected to Jen" too- the young sorority girls clutching their pearls dreaming of an LL Bean life, the business women still dressed from a day's work, older ladies that guffawed at that biting sarcasm that would shock most of their card-playing friends.

Jen's latest memoir that I just finished, The Tao or Martha: My Year of Living; or Why  am Never Getting All That Glitter off the Dog, had me a bit concerned at first. I thought Jen and I may have lost that "connection." I was quite excited several months go when I saw this was the premise for her new book. I like being crafty. I have a craft room. I love Martha. I want her Tao. However, my crafty vision of Martha was far less realistic than Jen's cooking & gardening version of Martha. I like the idea of cooking. I like the idea of gardening. The former rarely happens, and the latter probably never will. So, I was a bit concerned about how much I would enjoy reading about Jen's trials and tribulations in those fields. I should not be so surprised that it all evened out by midway through the book when the garden was never planted and her greatest adventure into cooking was "Crocktoberfest."

Instead, I enjoyed reading about her delving into celebrating the holidays "Martha-style," even if it meant a cinnamon donut-induced stomach attack in the line at Michaels while buying glitter to bling some gourds. There was the Jen I felt so akin to- from stressing over holidays to stressing over the proximity to the closest bathroom. Two constantly stressing topics in my life.

I could also fully relate to the Zen of a lone organized nightstand drawer or kitchen cabinet. A little harder to connect with was the loss of a pet, until  I realized that I am not too far from experiencing the same heartache as our "pup," who is over ten years old no longer barks at doorbells and will occasionally walk into walls, or trees.

This latest memoirs, like all the others, just felt like kicking back by the pool and hearing about the crazy day a friend had- including the one that encouraged her to buy better fitting undergarments to keep the ticks out of her nether regions. Jen's memoirs are so engaging that they are the only books that I limit my reading with, to pace out the chapters, and enjoy the book as long as possible.

For as big of a fan as I am for Jen's memoirs, I can't say the same for her fiction... and that saddens me. Here I Go Again is one of the novels I read over the winter and never found the time took the time to review. Honestly, if it hadn't been for Jen being the author, I probably would never have finished the book... if I had even picked it up to read.

In part, I think her voice is so strong in her writing that when she has to temper it for a traditional narrator, it just doesn't come across as authentic. It's simplistic, elementary. The plot for this novel has been recycled... a few times. The bitchy high school princess finds her adult life falling apart and goes back in time (literally) to see how small changes she could make, or decisions she could avoid, would cause a ripple effect into the future. Although that hints to stories and movies already written, I will say that I liked the twist that sometimes... you just have to be a bitch. The angle that the mistreatment of social outcasts in high school motivates future successes, while not completely original in thought, was a nice twist to the novel versus the fairy tale/"Kumbaya" ending it could have produced.

It's a light read. It's entertaining. It would be good for a beach read or holiday break quickie. I guess maybe my expectations for Jen are a bit too high considering how big a fan I am of her nonfiction.

A Summer of Unexpected Surprises

So, I hear that the official First Day of Summer has come... and past. (I didn't actually hear it, but rather surmised it from Friday's Google cover page... oh how many obscure holidays and forgettable birthdays would be lost without Google's homage.)

Well, I can't say that it feels much like Summer because I am, indeed, teaching Summer School. I know it sounds redundant to say teaching "Summer" School doesn't feel like "Summer" but my obvious point is that I am not yet frolicking in those "Three Reasons I Teach" that most teachers herald (June, July, August). Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised that I am teaching summer classes considering I submitted the request to do so. However, for the past two years, the class I was assigned to teach did not have enough students enrolled and wasn't offered. This year, I mainly made "the cut" because some of the shifting around of teachers due to those leaving.  It actually worked out that I am only teaching one class, 8:00 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. So it is only monopolizing a few hours of my day (because let's face it, I'd be in bed until 10 otherwise), and still giving me a little "bank" for the summer months.

Last year, I made the "Summer Bucket List." I checked in on its progress a few times over the summer. Some goals I accomplished, others I did not. I did not feel particularly upset about the unmet goals- some of which I made the conscious choice to veto, yet I did feel a need to justify them here on the blog. So, I am feeling a little torn about whether or not I want to go the "Bucket List" route this year.

Rather than checking items off a list, I have had a few unexpected surprises so far, only a couple of days into the "Official" Summer season. In sitting at the kitchen table working one night, I noticed the abundance of lightning bugs outside the window. So, I decided that I wanted to make sure that I took Benjamin out one night this summer to catch fireflies. Except... my vision of this involved a whole day's worth of activities including going to the library to check out a book with fireflies... and even making firefly cookies. (What firefly cookies look like and how they were actually going to be made, I couldn't tell you... and no, I share neither genetic chromosomes nor a zip code with Martha Stewart.)

Unexpectedly though, when Jason and I returned from a Wal-Mart run Friday night, Benjamin came outside to "help" carry in the groceries, which was really an excuse to get out and explore the yard more. Without any prompting from me, he discovered on his own the bed of fireflies that nest beneath our Magnolia tree.

It was still light outside and the amount of lightning bugs was uncountable. I wish I could have captured it better on camera. Cameron came out with a Mason jar and they entrapped a bunch to watch throughout the night. If you look past the boys, you can see the small streaks of white, which are the lighted bugs.

 

Unfortunately, the reality of fireflies in a jar wasn't as exciting as we had imagined it would be... even after vigorously shaking the jar and blowing in the punctured holes. (I know, I know... poor bugs.)

 

I donned Benjamin the "Bug Whisperer" because the fireflies would just fly to him and land on his outreached hand. Jason had commented before on how he could spot a ladybug from across the yard. He is definitely "typical boy" when it comes to liking bugs... thankfully, the cuter ones. Today, his affinity for nature showed again as a butterfly landed on his finger while outside playing. Jason commented that I may be raising a Tree Hugger. That, of course, would make me very happy.

 

 

On a similar note to Tree Hugging, Jason has decided that he wants to use more in-season local produce in our menu-planning. This too, of course, is something that would make me very happy (both using fresh produce and the menu-planning... and, of course, Jason doing the cooking). Considering that we live in such a rural area, you would think this would not be a challenge... you would be wrong. Jason made a Facebook post on a local on-line yard sale kind of site asking where he could buy fresh produce since the very publicized Farmer's Market we have downtown is a total flop... unless perhaps Avon perfumes fit your Saturday morning produce shopping needs. Sadly, and rather ironically, your options for buying produce fresh from the farm are greater the further you get from the country and the closer you get to the more city-like area around here.

 

He did, however, get many recommendations for the Farmer's Market in Smithfield, which is about 30-40 minutes away. Saturday morning, Jason and I decided to drive out of town and check it out. I remember having driven through Smithfield once before on my daily commutes to college when we first moved here. I remember thinking then that I would really like to take the time to stroll through the town and get to know it better. That would have been over eight years ago, and I never did follow through on that idea.

 

I really missed out! During recent trips to Staunton for the Shakespeare class and to Harrisonburg for the Capstone English class, I raved how much I loved the towns and wanted to go back. Well, Smithfield had all that I loved about them... and more. It reminded me of St. Augustine, where we honeymooned... except without the ghost tours... and they really need a ghost tour. The downtown area has stone streets and historic buildings that are just crying for a ghost tour. Being the "Ham Capital" of Virginia (the world?) it also had a lot more PORK than the other three towns.

 

We stopped for lunch before hitting the Farmer's Market. I thought I had found the perfect place. It was a converted house (or maybe public building) with a funky paint job and displayed art; the menu was very fru-fru and they had an attached bakery with fresh loaves of bread for sale. However... the customer service was deplorable. From waiting forever in being acknowledged, to being told repeatedly (and rather snidely) that they were no longer serving breakfast (perhaps if we hadn't waited so long I could have gotten my crab omelet?), to sitting with nary a waitress to ever come by.

 

So, I called on my good friend Siri who told us that we were 0.0 miles from the next restaurant, and we looked out the window to see the Taste of Smithfield, so we ditched the pretentious café and crossed the street, which proved to be a very favorable decision.

 

 



Jason got the Pork Loin sandwich, which the chef kept the top bun off because he was so tickled the batter made it look like the shape of a pig. I got the Spinach & Bacon Quiche. We both got a side of mac & cheese... with crumbled bacon. We decided to forgo the dessert, among the offerings brownie... with bacon bits. Yeah, Smithfield? They love their pork.

The Farmer's Market was a bit smaller than I had hoped, and did not have as many produce vendors as I would have wished. However, we did finally arrive there about 30 minutes before the scheduled closing time, so I think we may have missed out on some of the offerings. The overall vibe was nice though. It was very "Street Market." There were some artisans mixed in with their crafty wear, other type food vendors, and even live music. I was much less enthralled by the meat farmers than Jason was. As  general rule, I prefer not to see pictures of my dinner grazing in green pastures before it makes it to my plate.

Overall though, Smithfield was another Unexpected Surprise for the Summer. I want to make definite plans to go back there soon and spend a leisurely day visiting all the antique stores and thrift shops and art galleries... pork consumption optional.

Thus currently, I believe my stance is not to schedule the season off a Bucket List and be open to the Unexpected Surprises this Summer has to offer.

The Countdown is Over

Photo courtesy of Gwen Wilson Photography

The year has absolutely flown by. Perhaps it is not until I sit here, just tonight, on a Sunday, not feeling the normal anxiety that this time of the week usually provokes as I build the mental list of all that I did not accomplish over the weekend and all that lies in the week ahead, that it really feels like the school year has ended.

Seriously... on Sunday nights?... I'm usually a mess.

Not tonight though, because there is no school tomorrow. The "official" start of my summer is still in limbo until I know whether enough students enroll in Summer School for me to have a class, and I am still going back up to the school one day this week, to clean the Key Club room and maybe serve on a Handbook Revisions committee. However, the Class of 2013 has tossed their caps in the air and thus school has ended and summer break has begun.

Truly though, it has absolutely flown by! This is not something that I say every year. Usually early to mid-May, something will click and I am just ready for it to be over. Usually it is accompanied by some lapse in sanity... such as standing in front of my room hitting the "unlock" button on my key chain (as in, with the car's keyless entry button), wondering why the classroom door won't open. (True Story.) But that time never really came this year.

Maybe it's because of my declaration before school to started not to "Countdown" this time around. Not to start the week off asking, "Is it Friday yet?" Not to know how many days until Christmas Break, Spring Break, Summer. The truth is I very rarely ever did have a "countdown" mentality to the school year. However, I faked it pretty well. It's the fallback social banter of teachers. My common quip at the end of the first day of school was always, "Only 179 more days to go!"

The truth is I love my job. Langston Hughes asked what happens to "A Dream Deferred" and I could write my own, equally prolific poem in response, because after many... many jobs... I am living my dream deferred. There are days, of course, this isn't so easy to remember. And there have been entire school years in the past that would make this hard to believe. Most days, most years though, I am so thankful for the new life I have found in teaching.

So going into this school year, I made the conscious decision to not engage in the negativity. It's inevitable, especially in light of so many changes, in leadership, in school and even state & federal policy. I pledged to offer positive responses to gripes and complaints, and remove myself from the situation when the effort seemed fruitless. There were surely times I failed, but there were many more times in which I succeeded. Just as assuredly, I probably really ticked some people off... by not being ticked off... and how funny is that? More importantly, I think I came across to most as someone who loves my job, and that is all I care about.

So maybe that's why this year flew by faster than ever before. Next year, I need to prioritize documenting the memories better- whether through photographs, or journaling, or this blog, or even my (newly required) teacher notebook. I don't want another year to end in which I have to struggle to remember all that happened. Another year like this.

My year began and ended with very stressful meetings. I found myself forgetting being a part of the school leadership team, the Key Club earning the rank of Distinguished Club- Diamond Level, raising over $13,000 again for Relay for Life and being a part of bringing it to the high school and overnight, having one mother fight to get her son moved into my Honors class, and other mothers thank me for how much I have taught and prepared their children, and receiving a score much higher than I had anticipated on the new teacher evaluation system. Instead, I just found myself asking why did my year have to end like this- with such a stressful meeting, that I should have stayed on the periphery of anyway, and not have dealt with.

After only ruminating on this a few days though came graduation, and it gave me a new memory to frame my year with- Kristen's speech. While she mentioned the influence of her elementary years and noted the memory of gasping for air from the classroom window while dissecting a frog, she definitely highlighted the influence Key Club- and I- have on the school, and her life. This was a footnote to the speech and presentation she had already made to me at the year-end awards ceremony.

This. This was an amazing way to end this school year. It's not because I got another plaque for the "I love me" wall (or chalkboard ledge in this case). (Although, I do love plaques, as Kristen so lovingly noted in her presentation.) It's not that I had "McHenry is awesome" sentiments proclaimed at two big year-end ceremonies. I don't know that I can really explain what "it" is.

I have thought lately about that big philosophical question, "What is the meaning of life?" What is the purpose of our time spent here? I don't know exactly what the answer to that is... unsurprisingly. But, when I ponder it, I think about the idea of legacies. I want the influence that I have on the life of others to extended beyond our face-to-face moments. I want to know that I have impacted lives in  ways that will influence others to do the same. That I have affected lives in a way that will make them remember our time together and what they learned- not just about improving writing through proper pronoun agreement, but about life, and the greater world.

I think my Key Clubbers and everything they do is beyond words... although I try to find those words... and although they are often drowned in tears when I do. Occasionally though, I will find myself pause, and I will wonder if THEY get "it." Is my image of this legacy distorted? Do I think all that we do is so amazing and they just think it's another bullet on their college application... of course, there are certainly those for who it is just that.

But then there are moments like "this." Moments when I see they get "it." And these moments provided by Kristen this year were the pinnacle of seeing that legacy grow, seeing that influence, seeing "it."

Ironically, or perhaps not since we seem to have many coincidences like this, the message of Kristen's graduation speech was "The Countdown is Over." It kind of brings everything full circle, doesn't it? Even though I began my year with the mindset of not counting down, it didn't matter. Face it, or not, we start each school year with only 180 days. That time- like life itself- is going to fly by. As teachers, as mentors, we have to keep a dedicated focus to making those days, every day, memorable- inside the classroom and out.

Round Two

So... apparently, Wonder Woman wasn't as buoyant as I thought.

I went to bed Thursday night with every intention of going to school on Friday. I even texted with a few Key Clubbers to arrange to borrow Wii games and a popcorn machine for the event after school Friday. During the many times I woke up during Thursday night/Friday morning though, the more apparent it became that plan was not going to work. My throat pain only grew worse and sleep was elusive.

I should have followed my own instinct Thursday and went to the doctor to be checked for strep. However, upon the nurse's recommendation to give it a day's rest first, it was easy to romance myself into following that notion and avoiding the deep-throat assault of a strep test. I did make a doctor's appointment Friday morning though... and, alas, it was strep (making me one of the 5-10% cases that are adult.)

After a day of regularly scheduled Keflex/Tylenol/Sucrets cocktails, the pain has subsided to a mild discomfort. That is an extreme improvement from just laying on my side and drooling onto a towel because the instinctual swallowing we do with the saliva our mouths produce felt like glass shards raking down my throat. (TMI?)

Looking back over the last twenty-four hours, at how easy it was to get into to see the doctor and how easy it was to confirm a diagnosis, and how quick it was to get the prescription filled and how quickly the antibiotic took effect, it has left me pondering on the "luxury" of health insurance.

Some parts of my childhood were spent uninsured, others I had Medicaid. The Emergency Room was my doctor's office, because you didn't have to pay when you went. I would venture to guess many of those bills were left unpaid altogether. It took a while for me to mature into the adult role of being insured, or seeing the importance of having medical insurance. It was during an appointment at the free clinic for birth control when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son (I always was a bit of a procrastinator.) I had sat in the waiting room of that free clinic often through my childhood waiting for my mother during her appointments.

Working for the hospital was probably my first "real" job, certainly the first time I ever remember being offered health insurance. It was a much higher monthly charge during the first 3 or 6 months of employment, so I chose to hold off until the rate dropped to enroll. Doing so, gave me the very unique experience of enduring the exact same medical issue twice, once as an uninsured patient and once as insured.

I had a peri-rectal cyst that was extremely painful. When I was uninsured, the doctor sent me back home and told me to try Aleve for a couple of weeks to see if it helped. It didn't. I remember laying on the couch, in agony, trying to lie perfectly still as my mother cared for Justin. When I went back two weeks later and the cyst had only become more aggravated, and the surgeons scheduled an outpatient surgery to drain it.

Fast-forward a year or two, following the physical stress of Cameron's birth, when the cyst returned. At this point, I had insurance. Upon my first doctor's appointment, for which the cyst was less painful than my previous experience, I was admitted directly into the hospital, given a private room in the case there should be drainage issues, given narcotic meds for pain, and stayed overnight following the drainage for follow-up care, then sent home with more meds for any discomfort.

Quite the different experience. It was eye-opening.

There are many things for which I am made thankful from Jason's military career. His paid college education and the retirement check that pays a big chunk of our mortgage are indeed high priority on that Thankful List. Also, equally high (if not higher) is the medical insurance we will have for the rest of our lives... at no cost. A couple of years ago, something with the insurance or military medical ticked me off. It was so nominal I can't even remember the circumstances now. But as a knee-jerk reaction at the time, I said I would just get insurance through the school and not worry with it any more... then I found out for the first time how much my co-workers pay for health insurance... like $800/month for a family. I cannot fathom that! I cannot fathom paying HALF of that monthly! We would have to make a financial sacrifice or change a significant part of our living style, such as our house/mortgage to be able to afford that!

I know that Healthcare and Healthcare Reform are political hot topics. I am not informed on the issues and have no real opinions on such. It's just hard to believe that SOME kind of reform somewhere is not in order. In the mean time, I am just so very thankful for that "luxury" of being able to go to the doctor and being able to get medicine that I or my children need. My heart aches for those mothers who cannot afford that same "luxury."

Knockout

Sometimes you take a break.
Sometimes you are broken.

Overall, I am not someone who gets sick very often, but when I do. I am KNOCKED.OUT! It's as if my mind and body work together to decide when I can afford to "take a break," then they work together to knock me out! Sometimes, there is no break in site and they just "Sweep the Leg" anyway and force me to take one.

This is why I am so sick often on holidays. There is no school and usually less on the community calendar, so it is like my body knows NOW, hit her NOW, when she will actually lay down and recover. My birthday was no exception. With a jam-pack calendar of craziness for the next four weeks, it was not convenient to spend my day in bed, but it wasn't catastrophic to take off a day... not just from school, but from life in general.

I actually did go into work... but it was the shortest work day in the history of my life. In at 7:50, out at 8:30. Right after school yesterday, I started having that fuzzy flu feeling that usually predicts the onset of a funk. Later into the evening, my throat became very sore, and any thought of an impromptu birthday was replaced by huddling under the blankets begging for sleep.

I went into school this morning, though feeling bad, with the plan to go to the doctor's after school to get the antibiotic I probably needed. The boss sent me to the nurse to be checked out first though, and she painted a big red X on my classroom door and sent me home with a suspected virus. She said I was just run down and the swollen glands were a sign of needing rest. Though skeptical that she didn't feel I needed to go to the doctor, honestly she has been more like my PCP over the past 9 years than the doctor has, so I followed her advice.

There was a bit of humor to it all though. Since I insisted on going to my room and setting up for the substitute (I am the one that refused to leave work early just because I was in labor, after all), my class was sent out into the hallway to await further instruction (evacuation plans?) and I was told to close and lock my door (ha!). There were comments about "swine flu" thrown around. I can only imagine the scale that chatter grew to (amongst high schoolers!) by the end of the day.

Of course... I also took the time to stuff my work bag with papers to grade and a vocabulary quiz review to prepare. I have been a pretty good bedridden patient though, save for a few Relay-related phone calls and e-mails, and creating the vocabulary review.

After all, even Wonder Woman can only stay knocked out for so long...

Forty-One

I am sure peppered throughout this blog are proclamations of how much I hate holidays. All holidays. Or, at the very least, there is self-promotion of myself celebrating the holidays in an effort to defer my deeply embedded hatred for holidays. All holidays.

Teacher's Appreciation Day was yesterday. My birthday is today, and Mother's Day is Sunday. I have often felt this week in May should just be declared National McHenry Appreciation Week. Ok, maybe not seriously... but I may just create a Wikipedia page for it and declare it official... hmmm!

That being said, my most dreaded holiday of all holidays is my birthday. Maybe that doesn't qualify as a "legitimate" holiday, but for tonight's purposes it does.

I know it's because I set such high expectations for a magical day- a perfect blending of a Disney Princess movie and "Martha Stewart Entertaining" rolled into one ball of confetti-throwing, candle-blowing bliss. I want to wake up to a room full of balloons and go to bed with paper cuts from all the cards (not even presents) that I opened. That's not setting myself up for failure at all, is it?

Today was a jumble of highs and lows, feeling completely appreciated and feeling completely disrespected,  some peaks & valleys related to my birthday, and some not at all. I'm going to choose to cherish the good things today though rather than allow my frustration about some issues fester within me. My biggest regret over the past year is just how quickly I let it race by. Like most years, it was a complete blur. I want so much to stop life from getting too busy to live in the moment once in a while, and to blog about those moment too, so here's one of them...

I had bus duty in the gym this morning. While away, the kids festooned my room with streamers and birthday signs to greet me when I started the day.

As if that weren't great enough (as much as I joke about wanting accolades, I don't handle such attention well... and may have hid in the Teacher's Work Center to avoid the kids... maybe), they also bought me a Bedazzler. Now, that is awesome for OBVIOUS reasons, but even moreso than the obvious reasons (Sparkle!), I just off-handedly joked around last month about wanting to bedazzle everything after watching "Gypsy Sisters," so it was a gift of reflection, thought, and appreciation. The Starbucks gift card was a pretty spiffy addition too!

But wait! The day's awesomeness did not stop there in all its bedazzled glory! Last night the Relay team waited tables at Pino's Pizza and raised over $600 in tips (and that was following our bountiful lunch spread for Teacher Appreciation Day, which repeated today with enough left-overs for an entirely extra luncheon)! And with that added to our funds raised thus far this year...I need a new poster!