Teacher of the Year

This is the time of year when I am forced to take inventory of myself as a teacher and ascertain what it is that my co-workers think of me.

Teacher of the Year nominations. The way it works in our district is that there is mass voting by the whole staff then the nominees are narrowed down to the top 4 or so and a second vote is cast.

I have to admit, I just really wish I would get nominated. I don't expect that I would ever win... and, sadly, I am perfectly okay with that. I do not think I excel as a teacher. I do, however, think I far exceed what is expected in my contributions to the school culture.

I wish I could be more humble about it. I appear to be... and have even been announced to be modest about all that I do. But, at heart, I think I do more than most and I don't think I get recognized enough for doing it. Trust me, I know that it's rather hypocritical to want the recognition- it's oxymoronic to undertaking projects to improve our community and society if I am only doing it for recognition.

What's even more hypocritical is that I crave recognition when I don't even put forth the effort to let others know what has been accomplished. This is probably what is mistaken for that false sense of modesty. The truth is that I get wrapped up in so much, and lack the energy or organization to add one more thing to the task- such as publicizing it.

At the end of each year, for several years now, I question what I do. I have discussed on occasions my stress-reward scale, whereas if the reward I get from said activity is not equal to the stress it causes me endure, then I need to disengage from it. This, of course, only works with voluntary positions- roles that are my choice and not my obligation. For this reason, I stepped down from being freshman class sponsor. I had stepped down from Staff Council, but then got too nosy and wanted to be back in the loop, so volunteered to head a committee that put me back in the group.

I am already having these thoughts this year, 6 months too early. Key Club has been explosively busy for the past month. It has been a whirlwind. In some ways I have learned to relinquish the need to micromanage each minute detail. In other ways I feel that I have let too much get muddled through when it could have been more organized and less stressed.

This is my year of establishing balance and I am failing miserably. My house is a wreck. My classroom is a wreck. They both rather mirror the wreck that I am right now trying to manage it all. I want to focus more on my day-to-day teaching. I want to feel more powerful in the classroom. I want to challenge kids but not use education to intimidate them. Perhaps it was best summed by my recent Facebook status, "It is hard to find the balance between being a teacher that kids like now and one they will respect later."

I guess the most timely way to look at it, is that when this time comes around again, I want to feel like I was deserving to be nominated for Teacher of the Year... actually for my teaching.