Disfunk

Often at night, there is a severe sadness that will creep up from behind and overtake me like a shadow down an alley. It seems that I haven't felt it for a while, but tonight it returns.

As always, there have been so many nights when I wanted to write but I didn't want to be too negative or too personal in the case that I do let others see these ponderings one day... but right now, I don't so much care about that.

I am working towards the end of two four-day weekends in a row. Last weekend, school was canceled Thursday & Friday for rain. The Fall Festival was Saturday so those extra days off help me prepare for that.

This weekend, I took off Friday for a Journalism workshop and Monday somewhat for Benjamin's 6-month appointment, somewhat just to have another 4-day weekend. I wish I could brag about all the work I got one... but, of course, that would be a lie.

The workshop was good. It was disappointing that only 1 student wanted to go but at least it was someone I enjoy spending time with- someone that leads me think I have an influence in her life. It was more than a little disappointing to see the products put together by other schools and think about our publication in comparison. I just try to keep in mind that, if given the chance, I could build the journalism program to equal heights that I built the Key Club.

I'm a bit stressed about Benjamin's doctor appointment tomorrow. I feel fairly certain we will be told that he is underweight and that will make me feel like a failure at breastfeeding, which at this point, I am.

The house looks like a tornado rolled through it. I spent far too much time working on small details in specific areas when I should have instead been focusing on the overall effect.

My weight has yet again been another concern. My body aches so often. Even when my mind is willing to get some work done, my body cannot. I have had so much trouble getting in and out of tables at restaurants. I feel like Jason is judging my eating habits, like eating a second bowl of cereal this morning.

I have often said that I can continue too function so long as there is just one facet of my life that is well... and I am not so sure what that would be right now.