Worried

About 2 o’clock yesterday afternoon, I started to spot. It was very little and very light brown in color. After a few hours, I turned to that world-renown medical expert, Google, and surprisingly it didn’t make me more paranoid. Everything I read online and in my pregnancy book led me to believe it was not cause for alarm. It was the right amount and the right color to be “normal” in the first trimester.



Nonetheless, I went to the bedroom every 20 minutes or so to check. Nothing much changed until about 2 a.m. I awoke and went to the bathroom. The spotting was heavier; it was a bright red; and there was a little tissue. I was sure at that time that I had miscarried. Exactly one week after I found out I was pregnant, I no longer was.



I had a hard time falling back asleep but I guess I eventually did. When Jason woke up in the morning, I told him that I was bleeding through the night. He told me the implications of that didn’t register with him until later, when he was on his way to work.



I fell asleep again and when I woke up it was around 9. So, I called the OB office and they told me I could come in to see a doctor. I felt very sick this morning- both my pregnancy nausea and my normal stomach issues. So, it took a while to leave the house and required a bathroom stop during the 40-minute drive to the office. Jason met me there and waited during my visit. I had a hard time giving a urine example, but it was enough for them to do a pregnancy test. It was still positive, but I wasn’t foolish enough to think that was an important indication so early after the onset of symptoms. The nurse told me I was right.



It was my first time meeting the doctor. Other than the fact that he resembled my brother-in-law far too much to be doing the job, he was pretty good at all that “stuff.” He said I was looking at 3 scenarios: an etopic pregnancy, a normal pregnancy with spotting as a symptom, or an abnormal pregnancy. He ruled out the etopic pregnancy with the exam. He said everything looked normal and that 50% of women have spotting during their first trimester. (I’m pretty sure that’s a generous statistic from all I have read.)

I thought I understood what he was saying, but upon driving home, I realized I was a bit confused. In his office consultation, I asked if this could just be normal, and his response included the phrase “threatened miscarriage.” That’s with the normal not the abnormal pregnancy? I should have brought Jason back for consultation. His questions would have probably irritated me but I would have left the visit with a greater understanding undoubtedly.

The doc sent me to have blood work done. I’m severely dehydrated. She tried taking it from my hand to no avail and was finally able to do so from a vein on the outside of my forearm. They are testing my HCG levels and then will again on Wednesday to compare if the levels are going up or down. I will also have an ultrasound on Wednesday to see if the baby’s there. Then, I have a follow-up appointment with the doctor on Thursday morning to discuss everything.

Since I got home from the doctor’s appointment, I almost wasn’t spotting at all. Then, around 6, there is bright blood again. I can’t tell if I am cramping or not. I don’t know whether to call any general discomfort a cramp. Then, I will feel certain there is a cramp, and it is just gas.

I worked myself up to looking at the miscarriage chapter in the pregnancy book, but I couldn’t read too much before I had to put it down. It said that several days of spotting was a sign of miscarriage. I don’t understand how that correlates with the whole idea that it is normal for some women to spot during pregnancy. I guess it has to do with amount and endurance. It also said that a lack of symptoms such as breast tenderness was a sign. Although I am still feeling the general nausea all day long, my breasts are no longer tender.

I feel certain I have or am in the process of losing this baby.